The same way it's impossible for you to extract blood out of a stone, you will never be able to receive emotional strength, security or presence from someone who is emotionally immature.
As I speak to women every day, being the empath that I am, my heart feels so heavy as they tell me what they are being challenged with in relationships.
The saddest part of all is that they are looking for something in someone that does not exist. You will never be able to feel emotional stability or security with someone who is emotionally immature.
What is also important to understand in this conversation is that you will draw to yourself someone who supports your emotional vibration. Too many are seeking for something in another person that they have not yet learned how to connect to for them self. This will never work.
We all have emotional challenges in life. Our understanding of how to process our emotions and get others to respond to them was developed within us between the stages of newborn to 6 years old. We learned how to get attention, how to get our own way, how to repel others and how to receive when we were children.
Unfortunately many women and men are brainwashed and conditioned by brokenness. We are often not taught healthy ways to deal with our emotions and have a tendency to react to situations more than we respond within them.
Your dealings with another person will be a direct reflection of how you process your emotions and your thoughts about how you feel.
This is why it is key to learn how to love and respect yourself or being able to give authentic love, respect and maturity to someone else will never be.
In relationships the biggest breakdown occurs when you are looking for someone else to fill your emotional needs. We are taught as children to be dependent on others for our emotional well being and strength. This is a dangerous way to live your life because if you don't know how to feed yourself and you give that power over to someone else... you are always looking for your needs to be met by someone else... you also give that person the power to starve you and decide what you don't need, or worse that you don't deserve to be fed.
Others can only value you to the degree that they value themselves. You will never be able to create a healthy relationship if you...
We all have the ability to be both ignorant and wise, childish and conscientious. Maturity and immaturity are both seen in the way a person behaves. Emotional immaturity usually results in a person who was not given the liberty or freedom to express their feelings as a child but rather had the experience of control and/or manipulation in their familial relationships.
Here are 10 traits of an emotionally immature person:
1. They operate from a place of ego and control more than love and understanding.
Operating from a place of maturity requires you understanding that the world does not revolve around you. In life you will not always get what you want from others. Other people have their own needs and desires and are not here to facilitate yours. Maturity involves releasing the illusion that relationships 'cater' to others and freeing yourself from the bonds of the ego nature.
2. They don't like talking about the way they feel.
Everyone has feelings. Emotionally immature people however are not comfortable when it comes to talking about their feelings. They find processing emotions overwhelming or attach a degree of shame to expressing them which causes them to withdraw and go into shut down mode.
3. They don't connect on a deep level but remain on the surface.
If you've been in a relationship with someone for a long time and you feel like they hold back you might be with someone who is unable or unwilling to connect on a deeper level. They may be very entertaining or like to have fun but when it comes to a deeper level of intimacy (allowing you to see into them) they don't want to go there. An intimate relationship requires opening yourself up to sharing and connection and will bring about a strong sense of closeness and affection.
4. They blame others for their faults.
We were not created to be controlled by others. We have all been given the gift of free will and free choice. However as children most of us experience being subjected to the will, control and manipulation of grown ups. When we are young children we believe that mistakes result in judgement and blame. We expect to be punished when we are at fault and usually look for someone else that we can pass the blame off on. When it's time to take responsibility for their own actions an emotionally immature person will often negate their responsibility by passing the blame, or part of the blame, off to someone else. Maturity requires that we take responsibility for our own actions, recognize our mistakes and learn from them. And when we learn to accept the responsibility and ask for forgiveness, we will learn how to repair the damage caused by the actions we took.
5. They create co-dependent relationships.
When you are not mature to stand on your own you will always depend on others. You tend to see others as a means to an end and will always feel that you need someone. So your desire to be in a relationship is not facilitated by love but rather by need. "I need you" is a classic line that is spoken by an emotionally immature person and is often an unconscious effort to manipulate the other person into doing what you want them to do. The concept of autonomy is not clear to emotionally immature people but autonomy is required for a relationship to be based on freedom.
6. They struggle with commitment.
One sure sign of emotional immaturity is difficulty with commitment. When we are mature we understand that discipline and sacrificed are necessary to achieve our goals. We also learn that commitment does not extract from us our freedom. It is simply a process that will assist us in achieving our long-term goal. In relationships you do not have a foundation for building without a commitment to build.
7. They want everything 'their way'.
Compromise is not something that emotionally immature people do well with. For me personally an inability to compromise is a huge turn off. If your partner would rather throw a tantrum then find a common ground to a problem, you are in a relationship with an emotionally immature person. Being able to communicate in an effort to find resolution is crucial for the success of a relationship when an issue arises.
8. They are irresponsible with their money.
Doing any and everything that they want to do with their money is a typical trait of an emotionally immature person. They tend to be impulsive and this is reflected in the way they manage and handle their money. Immediate satisfaction and gratification is a strong desire for an emotionally immature person and results in buying things they don't need with money they don't have. Their struggle with commitment makes it difficult for them to invest in long-term endeavors. Because of this, this type of person often finds themselves in debt because they are more focused on satisfying their whims. This satisfaction however is very short term.
9. They live life on defense.
We will all experience hurt feelings in relationships but emotional maturity will prevent you from getting overly defensive in the face of small criticisms. In a healthy relationship, both partners should feel comfortable discussing potential issues with the intention to work on them. You should not have to feel as if you are walking on eggshells for fear of upsetting your partner. An emotionally immature person will become extremely defensive over the smallest issues, especially if they are in the wrong. Another sign of emotional immaturity is name-calling which often leads to verbal abuse and emotional abuse.
10. They don't give 100% to the relationship but require you to.
If you find yourself constantly showing up for the betterment of your relationship and your partner is not, that means that you are in a one-sided relationship and your own needs aren't being met. An emotionally immature partner expects you to do everything for them but tends not to be dependable or as generous with their efforts. They may often pick a fight when you ask them to do something that they don't want to do.
If you realize that your partner has some emotional growing up to do, your focused conversation should be on how you would like to grow as a couple to be a stronger team. Singling out your partners emotional limitations will likely make them defensive or feel criticized from your feedback. Expressing positive feelings for your partner will allow them to feel more embraced than rejected. You can also suggest relationship coaching or therapy where a professional can guide you in developing more emotional connection and awareness for each other.
If you're with a partner who exhibits any of the above traits, you will understandably feel frustrated and exhausted and may even wish to throw in the towel. Fortunately, if both of you are willing to grow emotionally you can come out on the other side stronger and more connected.
You didn't see it coming and now you feel like the wind has been sucked out of your sail. You don't know what to do or how you should move forward. You tell yourself that you didn't see this coming and you pray that it's just a bad dream and that tomorrow, or the next day, or the next day, everything will go back to how it was and he'll come back and it will be as it once was. But the truth is that emotionally this is going to hurt for awhile. And more than likely you've been seeing signs and hurting in the relationship for quite some time.
Less than a year ago my husband of eleven years, the one who I made a verbal commitment with that "failure was not an option", chose to leave our home without a spoken word. Two months later he surfaced and after he became physically abusive I was forced to call the police to our home at 2:30 a.m. I was devastated that the man who I had hoped to grow old with would treat me this way. I lost my husband, and the person that I had opened my heart to in a way that I had never done with anyone in the past. I was so disappointed because after our last reconciliation I thought that we had finally figured our shit out and would move through life together. I was on an emotional roller coaster for months, but if you are facing a similar situation on the other side of rejection and abandonment, I promise you that it's not the end of the road... there IS the other side.
I hope that some of the things I have learned in dealing with my own heartache will help you PowHER up, let go of the disappointment, heal your heart, give you hope and help you to see the light that awaits you on the other side of this dark, hurt- filled tunnel. You can move through this, you can feel joy again and you can heal emotionally. You can walk in your PowHER!
1. Don't blame yourself.
Relationships were not designed to be perfect. They are instruments that facilitate lessons that are pivotal to you aligning with who you are. If you played a part in the demise of the relationship, own it so that you can disown it and face the lessons head on. If you did your part to save it don't dwell on what you could have, or should have, done differently. Be proud of your efforts. You honored your end of the bargain and you didn't give up even though you were free to do so. Remember this... if the other person isn't willing to do their part in compromising or working it out then the relationship really can't work. It takes the full participation of two for a relationship to be completely functional.
One of the greatest lessons I have learned in my life is that love is not a feeling, it's a choice. The real test of love is making the effort even when you don't 'feel like' loving the person. Love truly shows up when you set the intention to treasure, adore and honor your partner and your partner sets the same intention towards you. He could have made the same choice you did but you can't control someone else's investment or action... only your own. I know the temptation to wallow in self-pity is real for you right now, but don't live with regrets. Yes, it's sad especially when you think of all of the plans that you made together, but seek to learn the lesson in all of it for you and be open to finding that something better that the Universe has in store for you... and maybe always did. See this as a stepping stone to get you to where you desire and deserve to be.
2. Separate yourself from the hurt.
It might serve you best to cut all contact after the breakup. He is the source of the hurt and pain for you and it's in your best interest to stay as far away from that as possible. Resist the temptation to call, text or social media stalk. It's in your best interest to not know what he's doing because seeing it may spiral you into a deeper hurt that keeps the emotional wound exposed. I was so disappointed that my ex could just walk away and shut me out completely, like there was never any love there. But I realized that he had a right to choose his path and that I needed to protect my emotions by not making any contact with him because it would take longer for the wounds to heal. He became a stranger and on the other side of that I chose to get to know myself even better. On the other side of the betrayal of trust, he will never be able to comfort you the same way he did when you were still together and neither will the answers to your unending questions be satisfied. Let's be real... nobody can really give you a justified explanation for abandonment. If he wasn't willing to give it to you before he left chances are slim that he will be willing to give it to you now. Contacting him will further add to your hurt and disappointment because more than likely what you are looking for, he is not willing to give you.
Some people think you can stay friends after a breakup but if he didn't honor you as a friend before the breakup right now may not be a good time to seek for friendship. Being friends is not impossible but probably not in your best interest initially. Rejection and abandonment damages a relationship. The trust was broken the moment he chose to reject and abandon you and you need to heal before you consider giving friendship consideration.
3. Focus on the most important person - YOU.
In the relationship you were always selfless and conquering life as a team, but now it's time to be self-centered, a little selfish and independent. What matters now is you and giving to yourself what you deserve to have. A few months ago I wished that my husband would get the karma that he deserved but I realized that I was keeping myself in a holding pattern of negativity. I chose to stop thinking about what he deserves and focus on what I deserve. I knew that I would not move forward if I chose to look back. Stop thinking about getting back at him and focus on becoming the greatest version of yourself. I committed 100% this year to become the greatest version of me. That decision resulted in my releasing 50 pounds of body weight. I actually released a total of 325 lbs of body weight ;). I am in the best physical shaped I have ever been in. Get a new hair color (I did a temporary purple gel wax and loved it), find a hobby, set personal goals, take on a new venture - anything, as long as it's for your own well-being and happiness.
4. Don't give up on love just because he chose to walk away.
It can be a challenge on the other side of a broken heart to not become cynical to love and put up emotional walls to love entering in again. To tell you the truth, I'm not sure that I ever want to be married again but am definitely open to finding a new love that is everything I desire to experience. I have decided not to let this failed relationship define me or rob me of what I desire. Nothing worth something ever comes easy. I don't regret my past relationship because it taught me so much about myself and at one point I was very happy in it. I choose to allow it to forever hold a special place in my heart and not be in a place of regret with it. Every time you choose to be in love you take a risk. I took a risk by putting all of my heart into this relationship and unfortunately it ended up with my heart being broken. But if I had not taken that risk I would not have had the experience of loving completely and purely for the first time. We don't know all the cards that the deck of life holds for us. Life presents us with challenges and they often show up in our relationships. It's a real challenge, but I choose to believe that all these risks are going to be worth it when I find the right guy (or he finds me). I hope that you too can believe that and choose to fall in love whenever you can. After all I truly believe that it's better to love than to never have loved at all.
5. Love yourself and know that you deserve the best.
Don't settle. Let me say it even louder... DON'T SETTLE!
Settling for mediocrity is not what you deserve. Mediocre will show up when you are not patient enough to wait for the best. Don't worry, that guy who broke your heart isn't what's best for you. If he was he would still be around. The right guy will honor you, your relationship and will not hurt you by walking away. If you're going through the same hurt I've been through, know that you deserve to receive the same love that you give. Now here's the catch with that... if you don't know HOW to love yourself you will never be able to give or receive the love that you desire to have. So your first priority right now is to fall in love with yourself. Give yourself the opportunity to know what you like, what matters to you, what makes you smile, what brings you joy, what are your own personal boundaries, what you deserve.
The problem is that most women don't know what they want because they are so concerned about what everyone else wants from them. Use this time to connect to the most important person in your world... you. After all if you don't know what you desire you can't expect someone else to provide that for you. You deserve to be treated with love and respect. You deserve faithfulness and compassion. You deserve pure love. So give it to yourself first so you can receive it from others.
Let me start by saying that it is okay to acknowledge what you don't want. However, you want to allow what you don't want to guide you to what you do want.
When you feel like you don't have enough money and you don't want to be stressed financially, it causes you to recognize that you want more money and you desire the freedom and experience that money can give you.
When you ask for financial freedom and more prosperity your inner being immediately becomes the equivalent of prosperity. But when you don't immediately become the equivalent of prosperity, as in being optimistic or anticipating it, then there is a vibrational difference between you (your thoughts) and your inner being (your desire) and that's when you feel doubt, fear and worry.
When you feel good you are in alignment with your inner being. When you are in alignment you are in receptive mode. When you accept in your thoughts the financial freedom, the prosperity that your inner being already is then you can be the receptive vibration to the manifestation of the prosperity you desire.
Everything begins in the form of vibration. You can only attract what you are asking for if you believe it will be.
When you see the absence of money rather than presence of money you are creating lack and "not enough". Worry and fear causes you not to see the money coming in.
When you continuously think about what you don't have, why you don't have it, the impossibility of getting it you create a void between you and it. When you say I'm afraid I don't have enough that's practicing the opposite of the thought that I desire financial freedom. You will invite into your experience whatever you worry about.
You have to find the way to align with how your inner being feels about this and when you accomplish this there will be no contradiction in your vibration. You and your powerful inner being are aligned with more money coming to you. By your positive anticipation you are letting it in. With your worry and doubt you keep it out.
Until you find another way of looking at your situation, your vibration will not shift. If your vibration does not shift your situation can't change.
Remember this... your thoughts turn into things so turn your thoughts into the things you want.
The aspect of yourself that you don't see attracts what you experience. When you feel different you will attract different and when you attract different you will experience different manifestations.
You have to understand creation in terms of broadcasting and receiving. Your inner being is broadcasting receiving but in your thoughts you are broadcasting doubt. You can't set your radio tuner to 103.5 FM and hear what's being broadcast on 810AM.
You cannot receive from a different frequency than what you are transmitting.
The Universe will respond to the vibration that you emit. You have to show yourself something different. So how are you going to manifest what you desire?
You have to get in the receptive mode. You can't be focused on the absence and tune into your inner being. Your inner being is standing in prosperity.
Unfortunately many allow what they see to determine where they set their vibrational tuner. You likely have worried about money or the lack of it for a long time. So you've activated a bunch of vibrations concerning it. If you want the prosperity that is due to you you have to find a way to line up with it.
You have to be willing to give up what you view as your own limitations. Every time you say it's hard, I can't, I haven't, nobody I know is doing it, you are practicing setting your receptive mode to the absence of financial freedom.
You really don't believe in your ability to have what you desire. You believe more in the bank account number or the debt. Your current reality is temporary and can change over and over again. With just a little bit of attention to stay focused on what you desire, things will change.
If you believe and broadcast prosperity with no doubt or unbelief you will receive it. You have to learn how to position yourself to receive what you desire to have.
If your receptive mode is not set to financial freedom it is set to broke or lack. You know where your tuner is set by how you feel and by what's happening. If financial freedom isn't flowing to you you have your tuner tuned to lack.
Don't live according to someone else's reality or the "reality" that you see. You have to conquer it vibrationally, not financially. Don't let things external to you affect your vibration.
An intentional positive attitude is the pathway to the financial freedom you seek. Do what you need to do to keep yourself feeling better. Get the momentum of good feelings going. Your bad feeling lets you know that you are out of vibrational alignment.
People around you create financial freedom and prosperity every day. What's the difference between having it and not having it?
The way you think, believe and feel about it.
It happens by practicing the thoughts that allow it to be rather than practicing the thoughts that repel it from showing up.
The more amazing you feel your life is the more you want to experience amazing things. Your inner being becomes the essence of the freedom and the experience. Your inner being desires only what is good and emits pure desires from which you can attract all good things.
This is how the money comes to you by way of the Law of Attraction.
Are you thinking thoughts that are out of alignment with the desires of your inner being?
You hear a lot of talk about manifestation and the law of attraction but how do you really use the law of attraction to manifest what you desire to have?
I have a very simple answer to this question... you must be INTENTIONAL with your thoughts.
You create your own reality and it's important for you to understand exactly how you are doing that.
You are creating based on your focus on the thing that you think about. You don't have to debate with the world the rightness or wrongness about something. Your responsibility to yourself is to focus only on what you desire to experience.
A couple of years ago, when police were stopping and shooting black people it seemed every week, my daughter was taking a road trip to visit family members in Florida. She was driving there from Texas. Her thoughts were so consumed with worry about being stopped by the police. I encouraged her to drive the speed limit by setting her cruise control 2 mph below the speed limit and not to worry about it.
Well she didn't listen to her mother about not worrying and continued to allow her thoughts to focus on being stopped in the days leading up to her trip.
She called me as she was setting out on her drive and I encouraged her by telling her "you are safe!"
About two hours into her drive she calls me on the phone to let me know that a police car was flashing their lights behind her for her to stop. I could hear the nervousness in her voice and I proceeded to remind her that she was safe.
I immediately went into prayer and called on her angels and mine to assist in this process. I again declared out loud that she was safe and that this situation would work out for the good. No other options were on the table for me!
She called me back about 15 minutes later to let me know that a black police officer had pulled up on the scene and after having a conversation with her he told her that she could leave, and to be safe.
My words to her were... "now that you have created the reality of being stopped by the police, do you think you can drive to Florida in peace without worrying?"
She laughed out loud and replied, "Yes ma'am!"
The rest of her trip was eventful in great ways. Her drive back was uneventful.
What is your focus when it comes to the way you think about events in your life?
There are only two focuses of thought... thoughts that feel good and thoughts that don't feel good. This might sound very simple but it's simply beautiful to understand this.
Most people focus on things that cause worry. You can change this point of focus by deciding to be intentional, creative and contemplative in your thinking. You want to contemplate from the place of what you desire for rather than what you don't want to happen.
Being clear-minded in your thinking will allow you to access the greatest potential that your inner being is transmitting the desire for.
You have to step out in front of your thoughts before they create a reality that you don't wish to experience. Become aware of how your thoughts make you feel.
Every subject is really two subjects... What is wanted and the absence of what is wanted. As you focus on the problem, which causes you to worry, you are unable to see the solution that always accompanies a problem.
As long as you choose to entertain thoughts of worry you prevent yourself from tapping into the solution. However, when you realize that the thought of worry is designed to help you create the solution, you can then move from worry, or problem mode, to creating the solution to the problem.
You don't want what you are worrying about. You want something different to what you are worrying about. Your focus needs to be on the opposite of what you are worrying about. Which is in alignment with the desire of your inner being.
Choosing to let go of the worry will create space for the solution to occur to you. Choose to turn your attention to what you want so that you can create satisfaction for yourself.
Choosing to focus on being in sync with who you really are will automatically move the worry to a different place. Replace the worry and you will align with your inner desires.
Important to note is that when you constantly speak that which is the opposite of what you want, you activate what you don't like. You create resistance to what you desire when you focus on what you don't have and why you can't have it.
When you focus on what's wrong, what you don't like, what you fear will be you are in complete resistance to what you truly desire to have.
Rather than focusing on what you don't want to experience intentionally hold the thought of what will satisfy you.
You have to emit in thought frequency what you want to attract to yourself. Let your thoughts be resonant to what you desire rather than in opposition to it.
In business if you are worried about not making enough money you will attract to yourself people who can't afford your product.
In your personal relationships if you are worried about being mistreated you will attract to yourself people who don't treat you the way you desire to be treated.
Your thoughts create a vibration. Your vibration creates a frequency. Your frequency creates a point of attraction. If your point of attraction is what you don't want you will attract to yourself what you don't want.
When you get excited about making money you will create an attraction to money and a whole different segment of clients will be drawn to you. Your referrals will be off the charts and your sales will be over the top.
When you understand that you are worthy of love and respect, and you firstly give this to yourself, you will attract relationships that are in vibrational alignment to what you KNOW you deserve.
Your inner being knows what you should have and when you allow your thoughts to align with this knowing you will allow satisfaction to flow to you... no resistance.
Shifting your thoughts allows for your experience to change. This will cause you to feel different. When you feel different you attract different. When you attract different then your manifested experience will be different.
The more beautiful life feels to you the more you want to experience the beauty of life. When you don't have enough of something you naturally want more.
Allow your thoughts of not having enough of what you want turn your attention to what you wish to have and let your focus remain on having it, rather than the lack of it. This is how you will create the having of it.
Worry creates resistance to having it. Believing you have it creates the existence of it.
Your inner being does not focus on the trauma, the drama, the trouble or the lack. Your mind does. The big YOU is your inner broadcast, or your inner desire. The small you is your thought broadcast. Your inner desire and your thought as it pertains to that desire, must be in alignment for what you desire to manifest.
When you desire prosperity your inner being responds immediately to become the equivalent of prosperity However if in your thoughts you doubt the possibility of that prosperity you create a vibrational difference between you and your inner being, allowing worry to become your focus.
So you have to sync up with the way your inner being thinks about prosperity and when you do there will be no contradiction in your vibration to the creation of prosperity. This will allow for more money to come to you.
Your vibration will either let it in or keep it out.
When you feel good you are in alignment with your inner being. You are in receptive mode to what your inner being desires to create. Accepting the prosperity that your inner being already is allows for the manifestation of the prosperity to take place.
You don't attract what you ask for. You attract what you believe is possible for you to have.
When you see the absence rather than the presence you will see absence in your manifested reality.
When you ask for what you desire believe that you have it, that you have access to it, that you deserve what you desire and it will be yours. Practice the thoughts that allow for it to be rather than practicing thoughts that oppose it.
You will create what you think it is. Remember what you broadcast in your thoughts you will receive. You have to line up with the frequency of the broadcast of your inner being, or your inner desire. As you think, in alignment with your inner desire (heart) so you will be.
Be intentional to think only about what you want. Dump all thoughts of what you do not want and watch how you will begin to manifest amazing experiences.
2019 has been a year of shedding and releasing. This year has given me many opportunities to go deeper within and explore my inner truth. And what I have learned is this...
1. I alone am responsible to let go of any and everything that does not serve my Highest good.
2. You have to walk out of one door in order to walk through another one.
3. I am as strong as I think I am.
4. My truths don't have to be understood or accepted by anyone else for me to be okay with living them.
5. I am worthy just because I am.
6. I don't have to prove myself to be accepted. I simply need to accept myself.
7. When I believe it's on its way to me, it always arrives so trust the process.
8. That trusting what I KNOW is more PowHERful than trusting what I see.
9. Life is a gift that can be unwrapped and enjoyed every day if I choose.
10. The only thing that TRULY matters is right now and what I do with that right now makes a difference.
11. Challenges are the pathway to growth.
12. Worry is an obstacle to belief and yet is the belief that will create obstacles.
13. BE me... PowHERfully, Lovingly and Unapologetically.
14. Don't be afraid to feel... your feelings are messages that need to be paid attention to.
15. Live from my heart rather than from my head. My heart is the doorway to my soul.
16. When I connect authentically to my soul, I authentically connect to others.
17. Trust myself and the truth within me.
18. If I desire it I can CREATE it.
What did 2019 come to teach you?
Need some clarity on how you can create PowHER and purpose in your life. Schedule a complimentary soul checkup call with me here.
In one way or another we all become attached to our fears... fears that became ingrained and rooted into our subconscious mind as children. Young minds and souls soak up every word that is spoken and every emotion that is expressed or felt...
The constant criticism, the arguments that we overhear, the judgements that we feel affect us at a cellular level and become a part of our cellular memory. It creates a disconnect in function (dysfunction) in our relationship with self and in our relationships with others.
This creates fear, mistrust, doubt and worry in our relationships, both external and internal.
This is why often throughout our lives we experience eruptions of fearful feelings that create obstacles on our path to success.
The fear of rejection often cripples us from moving towards what we want or showing up for what we desire.
Or we become unhealthily tied to destructive, dysfunctional relationships and situations that cripple us rather than catapult us. We find ourselves depending on external sources to make us feel safe and secure, and when they don't we get caught up in a never ending cycle of disappointment and frustration.
When your self-worth is tied up in something outside of you you are never safe. Emotional attachment to something that is unhealthy severely limits your ability to RECLAIM your PowHER. You can't reclaim something as long as you're allowing someone, or something else the rights to hold on to it.
Have you attached your hopes and dreams of happiness on someone or something external?
Attachment, a fastening or fixation, will keep you stuck. Stuck to your fears and limiting beliefs, which keep you in holding patterns of discontentment and 'not enoughness'.
These behaviors drive your every thought and action. They become the habit that you perform every day. They shape your world and create your reality.
So why do we choose to remain stuck and hesitate to make a change?
What you are not changing you ARE choosing.
Basically it's the fear that is deep rooted within us connected to the rejection and abandonment that we experienced as a child. The fear that is so deeply rooted in our subconscious program that we unconsciously use to help us feel emotionally 'safe' and avoid further pain and disappointment from being rejected, abandoned or judged.
But the longer we avoid our fears the more we become attached and the longer we stay stuck.
Subconscious fears and beliefs affect our operating system... they affect the way we operate in our life. Though we feel that we are 'avoiding' what we fear, the fear actually becomes the fuel that creates the flame... the continuous cycle.
You can't run away from your fears... they are a part of you and go wherever you do.
My emotional attachment crippled me for years.
Throughout my teenage years and well into my adulthood I was plagued by a deep sense of rejection. Even though I was sociable and didn't have a problem connecting with others, deep inside I always felt that I wasn't good enough and that I wasn't fully accepted. I felt that there was everyone else... and then there was me. Even though I was in the circle I never felt that I was a part of the crowd.
I often felt alone and empty on the inside. I felt that no matter how much I wanted to be accepted I wasn't. It drove me into a habit of physical detachment... being able to quickly walk away from relationships yet still finding myself emotionally attached and feeling like the victim. This eventually led to suicide attempts and depression.
All I could see and feel was the emptiness and loneliness but didn't realize back then that I was creating this reality for myself. And so what I ended up doing was creating relationships that supported the empty, lonely feeling. I had a strong external shell but inside, being the sensitive being that I am, I felt the pain at deep, profound levels.
I became afraid of forever being in this pattern of unfulfilling, disconnected relationships. I tried so hard to run from my fear not realizing that my fear was creating the very thing that I was afraid of experiencing. As I tried to run from it, it ran WITH ME.
Attachment keeps us in turmoil emotionally.
Our struggle to get out of the battle just reinforces our attachment to the fight. This is what I recognized was happening with me. As I began to awaken to my Divine Feminine I allowed my soul to show me the way out.
As I awakened I realized that my fear of being rejected created a fear of being seen. So as much as I craved for a truly loving and connected relationship I found that I was creating, by way of my fear, disconnected relationships where who I was was serving the other person but I wasn't being served by them. Whenever I started to feel close and open myself up to others, my subconscious fear of being rejected eventually created a feeling within me that there was a disconnect. And this 'feeling' eventually created the experience.
So as much as I wanted to experience true love my fear was keeping me from opening up to let it fully in. This became my experience in personal and professional relationships until I learned how to transcend and transmute the energies of rejection.
Desi's attachment to 'fear of not being valued'.
Desi had an ongoing internal battle with the emotional attachment - 'fear of not being valued'.
She craved for connected, supportive relationships but found herself constantly experiencing that she was giving more than she was receiving. Whenever Desi felt that she was starting to feel close to someone there rose a feeling of judgement.
She then found herself not giving to the relationships what she wanted from them, which left her feeling unfulfilled in her relationships and that they weren't creating for her the experience of joy and peace that she desired. She found herself in a continuous cycle of disconnected relationships.
The 'wanting' and then the 'rejecting' of the very thing that she desired had become for her a crippling relationship pattern. It created obstacles to her having the connected, fulfilling relationships that she desired. Episodes of anger and frustration were affecting her peace.
When Desi began working with me I connected to her soul to see the root cause of why she was always afraid of connection. I began to identify events in her childhood that clearly explained what was really happening. I was shown a vision of a little girl who always felt that her siblings were loved more than she was. She felt that while everyone dotted on her siblings they always judged and criticized her. Her 'truth' that she was loved less, created a loveless energy within her after all she couldn't give more than she was receiving in her mind. And as bad as she wanted it, she began to believe that she wasn't valued enough to receive it.
Her parents had separated when she was a child and she felt judged by her mother and abandoned by her father. She felt that she had to overachieve to be accepted but her deep rooted feeling of rejection made it difficult for her to feel that anything she did was good enough. She grew up feeling that, even though she thought she was amazing (not really though), nobody else appreciated the goodness within her. She felt unloveable and a strong mistrust of love developed in her early years due to the judgement that she felt. Consequently Desi never felt like she was 'enough' and always questioned her value and worth.
Her mother's sense of devalue, unhappiness and judgement, due to the pain and disappointment she had in her own relationship, resulted in these energies being hurled at Desi. We worked to9gether on healing the way Desi felt about herself so she could clear the emotional attachments she had to how she felt other's made her feel.
Emotional attachment takes root in many places
Limiting beliefs and relationship patterns can block our path to experiencing true unconditional love of self and others. The roots to these are always found in our childhood and family experiences and environment. These energies can be passed to us in our womb experience as well as through our past lives and ancestral DNA.
They damage the relationship we have with our Divine Self. We operate in fear when it comes to trusting the most important relationship that we have... the one with our Self.
But we have a choice.
We can choose to release the self-sabotaging attachments and be free of them forever.
I have helped thousands of people, mostly women, to break free from fear, limiting belief systems, rejection and the effects of traumatic events, to be able to reclaim their power and live happy, fulfilling and successful lives.
Commitment to the care of self and achieving peace in your life is your highest priority. You cannot give to another what you are not able to gift to yourself.
Keep reading to identify if you are being affected by negative emotional attachments.
1. Say "yes" to others at the expense of saying "no" to yourself?
2. Focus on the happiness of others more than on your own happiness?
3. Put everything and everybody before yourself in your attempt to please others??
4. Go on the defense to feel in control or get your own way?
5. Attract people in relationships that let you down? That take and don't give? Take advantage of your kindness and generosity?
6. Resist emotional intimacy with someone you love?
7. Become stubborn, defensive or argumentative in order not to take action or make decisions.
8. Get easily put off on sharing your dreams because of the opinion of others?
9.Feel like you need to tip-toe around when communicating what you need, desire or want?
10. Feel anxious of how other's will react to you when you say how you feel?
11. Use blame or judgement to feel strong or okay with who you are?
12. Hear negative or doubtful thoughts jumping in and out of your mind when you imagine your ideal life and relationship?
13. Look to others for happiness and validation?
14. Go along with the crowd just to 'get along'?
15. Become easily distracted when working on something that is designed to help you achieve your goals?
16. Struggle with overindulgence in food, alcohol or other addictions?
What emotional, mental or physical attachments are blocking your path to authentic joy and success?
Need help releasing? Ready to be liberated emotionally, mentally and spiritually? Desire to be at peace with your past? Want to clear limiting beliefs, fears and inherited patterns from childhood and familial and ancestral lines for good?
If you would like help book a complimentary soul checkup session here.
#DivineFeminine #Energy #Spirituality #Influencer #DivinePowHER #PowHERup #reclaimyourpowher #Relationships #selfempowerment #selfawareness #selfworth #selfvalue #contributor #writer #author #mindsetdevelopmentcoach #mindsetdevelopment #mindsetshift #emotionalintelligence #emotionalhealth #feminine #powerofwomennow #freshperspective #spirituallifecoach #divinefeminineawakening #intuitivecoach #spirituallifecoach
INSECURE... not comfortable being me.
It didn't show to the outside world because I was bossy and put up a pretty good confidence facade.
But I felt it every day.
🤷🏻 I didn’t like being seen.
🤷🏻 I didn’t feel comfortable in front of an audience.
🤷🏻 I felt like I was having a seizure every time I had to give a speech or be on stage.
🤷🏻 I was uncomfortable AF in my own skin.
Over the past seven years I have travelled worldwide to speak at conferences, hosted workshops and have helped thousands of women all over the world to R.E.C.L.A.I.M. their PowHER.
You see I knew that my purpose required me to be on camera, in front of audiences and walking in power. I am the face of my brand so if I didn't tap into the power to "show up" I was in trouble.
I remember when I hated taking pictures. My father owned a recording and television studio and I hated being on camera. I would cringe and feel very uncomfortable.
But I made a decision to move beyond the discomfort and as I did this I found myself feeling more comfortable in front of people and being seen.
But I still had something else I needed to work on...
Even though I had made a decision to power through, energetically something was missing. And even though I felt better taking pictures and I mustered up the courage to be in front of a video camera, there was something else that wasn't quite right.
It took me a few years to discover what it was. You see growing up I never believed I was as beautiful or as smart as everyone around me.
🤦♀️ I grew up insecure and defensive.
🤦♀️ I was the one that everybody judged.
🤦♀️ I was the one who was overweight.
In some ways, it even showed up in my business too because I struggled at times with my confidence and belief in myself.
Because I never believed I was valuable, or even worthy often times, I never fully owned my power in front of others. Because I never believed I was enough, I doubted my own brilliance in my personal and professional capacities and didn’t fully walk in my PowHER.
When I realized this, I was surprised how my old identity kept me from really becoming the best version of myself personally and professionally.
Although I’m sharing about my evolution of owning my beauty, my gifts, my power and being comfortable in front of others, it’s more than that...
It’s about BELIEVING in yourself, OWNING who you are and BECOMING the greatest version of yourself by stepping into the fullest potential of the brilliant, amazing, and PowHER that is YOU.
For me to authentically show up as my beautiful, bright, magnetic self, I had to break my old self identity and limiting beliefs about me and create new ones.
I had to do the inner work to embrace my power, beauty and magnificence on a deep energetic level.
Every day, affirming, visualizing and feeling this beautiful Divine Feminine radiating from the depths of my soul.
I did this every day, until I believed in my core I was the beautiful, brilliant, powerful goddess that I was created to be.
Now this didn’t happen instantly, but because I was willing and determined to shift is the reason why I now show up dramatically different in my life and business.
My entire essence and way of being shifted by breaking free of this old self identity and creating a new one.
🌟 It all starts from a thought.
🌟 Then a belief and a feeling.
🌟 Once you master all of these, you become the highest version of yourself.
You become the radiant and magnetic person you were born to be. It starts from within... you have to do the inner work.
💖 It starts with fully understanding who you are and what you desire.
💖 It starts with owning your amazing, your gifts and your PowHER.
💖 It starts with radiating the essence and authenticity of YOU.
It starts by becoming the GREATEST VERSION of yourself so your brilliance, inner glow, spark, essence, and magnetism shine from the inside out.
Becoming the best version of yourself will ensure that you, and others, fall in love with you.
And this is exactly why I teach my clients to R.E.C.L.A.I.M. Your PowHER.
They become the greatest, fullest expression of themselves by OWNING their amazing and walking into their potential, purpose and PowHER.
Because nothing will outshine your radiance and magnetism when you connect to your authentic self.
You have the power to remove your old self identity, create a new identity, and build a life that supports the new identity.
But the first step is to DECIDE to take the ACTION.
To DECIDE to FACE your shit and OWN your brilliance.
To DECIDE to FULLY COMMIT to do what it takes to show up PowHERfully DAILY!
You were BORN to be amazing.
You were BORN to be PowHERful.
You were BORN to be a light in this world.
You were BORN for a purpose.
You were BORN to make a difference.
It’s time to DECIDE to be who and what you truly are.
Are you ready to R.E.C.L.A.I.M. Your PowHER?
Whether out loud, or in the thoughts of your mind, I am certain that this is a question that you have asked at some point in your life.
The truth is that most of us ask this question of life. I know that when I was in my 20's, in a dysfunctional, unhappy marriage and raising my children as a single mother I asked this question often.
Then when my marriage finally ended and my baby sister, who was my best friend, died in a car accident at 29 years old, I felt like my life had exploded from within. This question was at the beginning of my every day and at the end of my every night.
This question begins as a thought and is often connected to real difficulty in life.
If you have ever experienced any of the following, you have asked this question at some point in your life...
Let me explain...
Our relationships are a huge factor in our lives, both our personal and our professional relationships.
Often, when we feel bogged down by life, or in life, our relationships are often either the cause, or neglected and affected in some way.
When our relationships aren't going right, our thoughts tend to be all over the place. And often we don't realize how everything in our life is connected to EVERYTHING in our life.
When it's not going right, we're not thinking right. When we're not thinking right, it's not going right.
But this is the thing...
Whenever you say, or accept, that life is hard what you are essentially doing is coming into agreement with struggle and difficulty taking place in your life.
I know it may sound complicated but it's really pretty simple.
But the thing is that, the difficulty, or "hard" that we feel is often connected to a relationship of some kind.
Some of your relationships will cause you more heartache than joy, more pain than pleasure, more stress than security, and more tears than laughter. These types of relationships are hard and can make your life feel really difficult.
And though these kinds of relationships bring no fulfillment, no amazing, no feelings of connection and no power to you... they can bring power FOR you when you understand their purpose.
Truthfully, these relationships are the most powerful relationships.
Let me explain it a little better in this video.
Still bound to the emotion of the relationship?
Most people desire to be free and they feel that the greatest achievement in life is freedom.
Unfortunately most people feel that they have lost their sense of freedom in some respect.
But do you know what's even better than being free?
Being free means that you are no longer attached to it (whatever it is.)
But when you are liberated, you are no longer BOUND by it.
Many are free from the relationship... divorced, separated, broken up. However, they are still bound to the emotion of the relationship... the pain, the anger, the disappointment, the un-forgiveness, the depression, the insecurity, and the regret.
Your soul cannot move forward when it is bound to the past.
You can't journey to a new adventure, you can't find your way to peace, true joy will always remain out of reach if you're bound to an emotion that's keeping you stuck in the past.
Your soul can't even dream about peace and happiness because it's seeing the future through the lens of what has happened.
You're having difficulty controlling your thoughts because you're stuck in your mind. And the only way you can begin to attain liberation is to be still and know your Divine Essence - your Goddess within.
When you learn to live in the now, you liberate yourself from the past and free yourself to create an amazing future.
You will be able to see possibilities you've never seen before.
Isn't that exciting?
When you live in the present moment you become more happy, you feel more fulfilled, you get excited about your life every day and you are able to become the greatest version of yourself.
Living in guilt, grief, hurt, shame, unworthiness and from a place of "not enough" will keep you stuck in lack. Your focus is constantly on what's missing, limitations, pain, regrets and what's "so hard."
Who really wants that for their life?
Don't believe the "impossible" story that you've read or heard... or, worse yet, told yourself.
It IS possible to be happy...
It IS possible to be free...
It IS possible to feel joy...
It IS possible to move forward...
It IS possible to achieve success...
It IS possible to experience true, pure, genuine love in ALL of your relationships.
There's a greater life awaiting you but if your emotions are keeping you bound, it's going to be difficult for you to discover it.
If you are struggling to create your future because of some emotion that keeps you in the past, you're going to have to come face to face with that emotion.
Are you ready for that something greater in you to awaken and come forth out of your body?
You are able to overcome those emotions and break the addiction to the pain. Yes, I said addiction.
See when you allow something to control you for so long you become fixated to it. That's what addiction is.
rue forgiveness is when you overcome the emotion and take your attention off of the person and the pain. This gives the other person permission to show up differently in your life because you've liberated yourself. This might sound weird but trust me, you want to keep reading if it does.
When this happens, all of a sudden your reality can begin to unfold in mysterious ways.
You open up the possibility door to new opportunities, new relationships, new joy, new money, new blessings... new miracles.
And then you can give thanks for the adversity that served to call out something greater in you.
Ready to learn how you can connect to the greater in you? Click here
You are a living SOUL not a living flesh...
"And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul." Genesis 2:7
And this is why most people struggle because they are more intentional on living from their flesh, or their ego, than from their soul.
Let's take a look at Soul Relationships.
Most people are "looking" for their soul mate, but they are really looking for someone who can satisfy, or pacify, their flesh in some way. In most cases, they want someone who can make them "look" good.
See "looking" for your soul mate indicates that you are desiring something that you can SEE externally.
So you draw people to yourself who LOOK the part but don't feel the part.
Oh, Oh... did you just feel something as you read that?
Yes you see it... but you don't FEEL it.
Visually you are stimulated, however within, you later discover that you were taken in by the counterfeit rather than the real deal because you didn't take time to discover your feelings, or worse yet, you didn't honor the feelings that you had.
You know that feeling... the one where something just feels off, or something just doesn't feel right?
Now you find yourself in a place where you realize that this person that you were "looking" for, the one who you are with, does not resonate with who you truly are, and what you are trying to be.
Your expectations, desires, goals, vision and even vibrations clash and then... poof, they are gone, or you are gone within. You no longer feel connected to who you are, and the connection you thought you had with them, left a long time ago.
And you're left to wonder (yet again)... where did I go wrong? What is wrong with me? Why do I always make the wrong choices?
Let me help you out here...
Love is not a "seeing", it's a FEELING...
What most mean when they say that they desire a soul mate, is they desire someone who's going to really love them... they are "looking" for love.
But love is not something that is seen, it's felt...
Love is an energy form that cannot be seen with our human eyes.
Love is felt by the heart and soul.
We are a living soul, not a living flesh. Our soul is the alive aspect of who we are, our internal being, not our fleshly, external self.
Stop looking for love... start FEELING for it.
Your feeling self is who you really are.
Your soul... your intuition... your inner sense is the true you, and the truth of you.
The TRUTH of a Soul Mate...
Your true soul mate will complement your own energy, not repel it...
Your true soul mate will see your fullest potential and support it, not suppress it...
Your true soul mate will assist, and allow for the growth of your soul, not stifle your growth...
Your true soul mate will provide open and honest communication with you, not tell you lies and be closed off...
Maybe that's why common sense has left the building because it's time for us to allow our inner sense to guide us.
When you set the intention to feel for love, rather than look for it, you make room for the person with the energy that will complement your own to attract to you.
It's time for you to distinguish between the desires of your ego versus the needs of your soul.
It's time for you to set intentions regarding love rather than just craving visuals of love, that often prove to be counterfeits. Counterfeit money looks like the real thing, but the right tools will quickly discover the fake.
It's time to stop "looking" for love and allow your soul to feel for love.
If it don't fit, don't force it... just relax and let it go.
It's time for you to release what no longer serves your soul.
So how do you know?
If it's subtracting from you more than it's adding to you... it's a liability... NOT AN ASSET.
When you work with me to Unlock Your Relationship Code you will learn how to release what no longer serves you so you can make room for what will serve your soul.
Read more about that here...
#soulhealing #rejectionrecovery #DivineFeminineAwakening #DivineFemininePowHER #PowHERup #selflove #selfvalue #selfworth#selfrespect #LifeCoach #IntuitiveLifeCoach #SpiritualLifeCoach #Spirituality #Rejection #Abandonment #RejectionandAbandonment #LoveYourself #RelationshipCoach #RelationshipHealing #LoveandRelationships
I am Denika Carothers, Creator of RECLAIM Your PowHER and FOCUS to Victory. I am an Intuitive Spiritual Life Coach. I coach my clients in the place of their soul.