The beautiful thing about life is that you get to choose how to live yours. Most people however are so focused on C.R.A.P. (Constantly Reacting to Another Person) that they can't allow joy to be the focus of their life experience. Which is sad because truthfully what we all desire is happiness.
Researchers think that roughly 40 percent of our happiness is under our own control; the rest is determined by genetics and external factors. That means there's a lot we can do to control our own happiness.
According to the federal Health Resources and Services Administration:
We have become so absorbed in a world of distractions and disconnect that we have neglected to put our energy and attention into what truly matters in life...
MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS - our own.
Relationships are essential to our happiness and well-being. Studies have found that the happiest and healthiest people are those who cultivate strong relationships with people they trust to support them.
Whether fortunately or unfortunately, social media has given us a window, and often a front row seat, into the lives of others. And these others are people who often we barely know and yet we spend so much focus and energy 'relating' to these people.
When you become more absorbed in someone else's world and relationships rather than putting time, energy and attention into how you are creating your own, you begin to find that you feel very dissatisfied with your life because someone else's life will always "appear" better than yours. This is especially true when you are comparing your life to the lives of others.
COMPARISON IS CRIPPLING.
So how do you create a life that you love rather than living in a life that feels Love-less?
Here are 5 key steps to loving your life:
1. Find what you love doing and do it at least once a week. Give yourself more "me" time and get to know who you are in this season of your life and what you like/love. This can be something as simple as sleeping in late, eating a particular food, being out in nature or getting your hair and nails done. Spending time moving daily and getting outdoors in good weather works wonders to raise your serotonin levels. Intentionally investing in self-happiness is a key step to enjoying your life and feeling content.
2. Focus on what's good in your life. In a world of chaos you will always be able to find something that isn't good. Your focus on what's not good will create space for more of what's not good to come into your experience. Whether it directly affects you or indirectly affects you, when your thoughts are constantly on what's going wrong you will always see what's not right. Gratitude is the key to being able to see what's beautiful in your life. The fact that you have what you need, that you have a good relationship with your children or friends, that when you woke up this morning you were alive, are all beautiful aspects of life that people often take for granted. Be grateful for the little things and you will make room for greater things to come to you for which you can be grateful.
3. LOVE YOURSELF and tell yourself how amazing you are! Listen looking for love in all the wrong places will keep you in a cycle of wrong feelings, wrong connections and wrong experiences. Self validation is the most powerful validation in the world. Let's face it, we live in a critical world where everything that is wrong is often highlighted and given our attention. The opinions of others often leaves you in a place of feeling that you are not quite 'enough'. Give what you desire from someone else to yourself. By doing so you will teach others how they can (and cannot) treat you.
4. Remember that you DO have a choice. What you experience in your life is as a result of the choices that you make. You get to participate in the decision of every aspect of your life. Remembering this will put you in the position of power in your life rather than allowing your power to be usurped, or manipulated, by someone else. When you take responsibility for the fact that you can create your experiences you also give yourself the power to re-create, or un-create, aspects of your life that are not in alignment with the joy and happiness that you wish to experience.
5. Find joy in the little things. Your joy, or lack thereof, is really within your own power to control. If it doesn't support your joy or happiness know that you can choose to disconnect from it. If it supports your joy and happiness know that you can choose to CONNECT TO IT. Something as simple as putting on a good funny movie, or reading an enjoyable book or article when you need an uplift in your mood can have a great impact on shifting your energy. Don't make someone else responsible for your joy and never miss an opportunity to laugh at yourself. ;)
Your relationships, and what you feel within them, will always be an extension of who you are and how you feel about yourself. If you want to experience the greatest relationships outside of you then begin today to cultivate the greatest relationship ever with yourself. After all, that's the one relationship that will never leave you.
I am Denika Carothers, Life Coach, author, healer and Mental and Emotional Wellness specialist. I help my clients transcend the pain and trauma of rejection, grief, abandonment, loss and abuse.