Dating after 40 brings with it a wealth of experiences, wisdom, and a new perspective on love and relationships. It's an exciting chapter in life that deserves recognition for its distinct challenges and opportunities. If you're navigating the dating scene after 40, this is for you.

Dating after 40 is different because:

1. You have a clearer sense of self: By the time you reach your 40s, you've likely gone through significant life experiences and self-discovery. You have a clearer understanding of who you are, what you want, and the values you hold dear. This self-awareness empowers you to approach dating with confidence, authenticity, and a stronger sense of what you deserve.
2. Priorities have shifted: As a woman over 40, your priorities have likely evolved. You may be focused on personal growth, career advancement, or building a fulfilling life. Dating is no longer solely about finding a partner but also about finding someone who aligns with your values, supports your aspirations, and complements your journey.
3.  You value quality over quantity: After 40, you have a deeper appreciation for the quality of connections. Superficial encounters and casual dating may no longer satisfy your desire for meaningful connections. You're seeking genuine partnerships built on shared values, emotional intimacy, and a deeper understanding of one another.
4. Emotional baggage and healing: With more life experiences, there may be emotional baggage or past wounds that require healing. Dating after 40 allows you the opportunity to confront and address these challenges, allowing for personal growth, self-reflection, and the potential to build healthier and more fulfilling relationships.
5. Family dynamics and responsibilities: Many women over 40 have established families, children, or other significant responsibilities. Dating in this phase requires navigating these family dynamics and finding a partner who can integrate into your life and support your existing commitments.
6. Technological advancements: The dating landscape has evolved significantly with the rise of technology and online dating platforms. Understanding how to leverage these tools effectively can open up new avenues for meeting potential partners and expanding your social circle.

Dating after 40 is an exciting and empowering journey. It's an opportunity to embrace your unique qualities, prioritize your needs, and seek connections that align with your life goals. It's about finding a partner who appreciates the strength, wisdom, and beauty that come with age and experience.

In this stage of life, you have the chance to create a love story that reflects your authenticity, personal growth, and desires. Whether you're seeking companionship, romance, or a committed partnership, dating after 40 is your chance to discover the love and connection you truly deserve.

Embrace the adventure, trust your intuition, and approach dating after 40 with an open heart. This chapter of your life holds incredible potential for growth, joy, and lasting love.

Do you want to learn How to Date With Confidence As A Woman Over 40? Join me for my transformative workshop by clicking here.



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​Every relationship you have with others is an extension of your thoughts and beliefs about relationships.

If you have unhealed trauma from childhood relationships, the residue (i.e. affects of the trauma) will show up in your relationship with others.

Children need to feel that they are loved by their mothers and protected by their fathers.

If a child doesn't feel loved by their mother they will struggle with self love, self value, and self acceptance.

If your childhood relationship with your mother was fractured you may find it difficult to tap into the nurturing aspect of yourself and come across as being hardened or closed off.

If a child doesn't feel protected by their father they struggle with feeling safe... emotionally, physically and spiritually. They tend to struggle with insecurity and feeling exposed.

The mother fosters the internal while the father covers the external.

Addressing and healing your emotional wounds is definitely beneficial first to you, and by extension your relationship with others.

Emotional healing is not only essential for your own well-being but is necessary to have healthy emotional relationships with others.

If you feel that you need support in uncovering and working through unresolved childhood traumas, shame, hurt and insecurity issues I would love to support you.

​Click here and let's talk.
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When seeking professional help to overcome your mental and emotional challenges what is most important is finding a service and provider that make you feel comfortable and safe.

There can be a lot of shame attached to life challenges that affect your mental and emotional health. What's important for you to know is that you are not the only one dealing with challenges and struggles. 

Life coaches and therapists can be super beneficial in helping you move through to the other side because they likely have had to overcome their own S.H.I.T. (Shame Hurt Insecurities and Triggers.)

Finding a professional who is transparent about the challenges they have overcome can be very comforting because let's face it, nobody wants to feel that they are alone in the world of struggle.
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The major difference between life coaching and therapy is therapy has it's main focus on mental health, while life coaching focuses on mastering the game of life while offering you support in creating the life you desire to live in the future.

Here are some of the main differences:

• Therapy focuses on healing the past. Life coaching focuses on creating a fulfilling future.
• Therapy helps you heal from mental issues. Life coaching teaches you how to achieve your dreams and free yourself from old habits that don't support your success.
• Therapy is structured based on the type of treatment. Life coaching sessions are designed to improve several areas of life and are structured to facilitate progress and forward movement.
• Therapy often has no set end date. Life coaching clients often enroll in short-term session packages.

Therapists are trained mental health professionals who are regulated and required to be licensed in their field.
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Life coaches do not have mental health training and are not equipped to diagnose or treat mental health conditions (unless they have been trained as a therapist, which is also common).

​When to work with a Therapist:

• You are having a difficult time navigating your emotions.
• You are struggling with mental health symptoms such as anxiety, depression, trauma and disorders, that are causing distress in your life.
• You are struggling to heal from past hurts and traumas.
• You have experienced major trauma in your relationships and need help processing the pain.

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Finally, note that different coaches have different approaches and coaching philosophies so be sure to select a coach whose approach and style of coaching resonates with you.

​Check out their social media platforms, do a Google search and read their reviews.

When it comes to self-care, personal development and seeking help, there is no "one-size-fits-all" approach. What works for others might not be what's best for you. 

This truth applies at different points in your own life: Whereas something might have worked well for you in the past, now you recognize that you'd benefit more from taking a different approach. Sometimes it is necessary to try different avenues to discover what's best for you.

What matters most is that you are willing to invest in your overall well-being so that you can live a successful, happy and productive life that supports you in being well and whole.

No matter what your incentive may be for seeking help, it's helpful to understand where the roles of a life coach and a therapist differ so you can make an informed decision on which support style is right for you.

Whichever path you decide to follow, be sure to pat yourself on the back for taking the important first step in your self-care, self-improvement and empowered life.

To see if we might be a good fit for your mental and emotional wellness needs check out our available services here.

Have you ever met someone and felt that there was a magnetic pull toward them? Are certain people fated to be in your life?

The theory of soulmates and twin flames suggest that their is a "soul-time" of connections that you share. These times together have been experienced in past lives. A soulmate and a twin flame are part of the fiber of your soul.

So how do you know when you meet each of them and what's the difference within the relationship experience?

Twin flames are one half of a soul. When the two parts of the same soul incarnate in different bodies, they are both always on a mission of sorts to reconnect with each other. It can almost feel like you know someone significant is out there looking for you as you are looking for them.

This sounds all romantic and gushy right? (Insert love song here.)

Stop the music!!

The twin flame relationship is an experience of a range of emotions that usually break you down before they build you up.

What many don't understand is that the journey of twin flames is more about becoming whole within self in order to experience wholeness within their union.

"We all will encounter a twin flame relationship but it's something you shouldn't seek unless you're ready to experience ranges of emotions that could break you down.​

If you have ever met someone and felt an instant connection, whether it's a passionate spark or simply an inexplicable knowing between the two of you, this could be a sign that the person is one of your soulmates. Yes ONE. Contrary to what you may have heard, you can have countless soulmates in one life time. 

Personally I have already encountered five of mine.

However all of these connections are not found in a romantic relationship. You will be able to identify, with a strong sense of knowing, whether a soulmate connection is a romantic one or not. 

When you meet a romantic soulmate it will have a comfortable, familiar feeling of being home, like you have known this person forever.

There is A Deep Connection

Soulmate and twin flame connections can feel the same initially. The bond will be deep and meaningful from the beginning. The pull that you feel will be hard to deny whether you have just encountered them or known them for years.

There Are Profound Lessons With Both

It is believed that twin flames assist each other in resolving any issues or insecurities they have. This individual ignites a process of discovery within you. Soulmates can play a similar role but the potency is not as strong. These individuals are in each others lives learn lessons and learn lessons usually through pain.

The Relationship Can Be Romantic

Not all soulmate relationships are romantic though they can be. Your closest family members and friends can also be your soulmate. Twin flame relationships on the other hand are always of a romantic nature. 

Twin Flame Relationships Can Be Challenging

Soulmate relationships can feel effortless and very easy to navigate and connect with. Twin flame relationships can be an entirely different experience. Though the twin flame is a romantic sexual relationship it can be a very difficult one to navigate. The twin flame relationship is karmic meaning whatever lifetime you incarnate together in there is usually a debt that needs to be paid. 

Twin Flames Expose Your Insecurities
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Soulmates can be your biggest cheerleaders however twin flames amplify your insecurities. The reason for this is the twin flame relationship supports you in addressing your inner self. The twin flame relationship can be extremely uncomfortable as it highlights all of the insecure qualities you have avoided facing for yourself. Though the twin flame journey is not necessarily one of "comfort" it is very much about finding unity.

Twin flames need to find their individual truth to experience their Divine connection.

The Effortless Twin Flame Communication
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Twin flames don't need words. A huge sign that you have encountered your twin flame will be your powerful ability to communicate non-verbally with each other. Communication between twin flames mostly occurs through the aura and subtle body. It's the closest experience to telepathy we can ever have. 

Soulmates Are Not Always Romantically Involved.

Romantic love is not always the experience between soulmates. Most of these relationships are of a platonic nature. A partner can be a soulmate however parents, children, best friends, and siblings can be a soulmate as well. A soulmate can be anyone that we experience a deep, soul connection with. Your twin flame connection will always be experienced in a romantic partner. 

Soulmates Can Come In Multiple Persons

You only have one twin flame but your soulmates can be many in your current lifetime. As souls, we travel through life times with our soul family and/or soul group. When you experience a strong connection with someone the theory suggests that they could be part of your extended soul family.

Can I Marry My Twin Flame?

Yes but I caution you that you should go through your own personal healing journey first. The twin flame relationship is designed to bring you face-to-face with issues you need to heal and learn from in this lifetime. The twin flame relationship can be experienced within marriage, however it can have a heavy mental and emotional toll on you if you are dealing with unresolved and unhealed S.H.I.T. (Shame Hurt Insecurities & Triggers).

Can Your Soulmate and Twin Flame Be The Same Person?

The chances of one person falling into both categories is unlikely. While you can have many soulmates you only have one twin flame.

When Do Twin Flames Meet?

Before you connect with your twin flame there is a process of self-discovery that should take place first. Remember, you are two halves of one soul so you likely experience the same life challenges and issues. I wouldn't recommend seeking your twin flame if you are not whole mentally and emotionally. If you are both challenged mentally and emotionally the relationship will encounter a lot of painful mess. When you do your inner healing work and learn from your individual experiences, you can elevate your vibration to encounter your twin flame. 

What is the Purpose of the Twin Flame Relationship?

Why do I need a twin flame if the relationship is hard? Although the twin flame relationship can be painful at times, this unique partnership is more about the bigger, Divine plan. Twin flames connect to accomplish bigger things together. Their mission is always connected to elevating humanity as a whole. When you encounter your twin flame the connection will be instant and undeniable.

How Will I Know I've Met My Twin Flame?

There are a few signs that can tell you whether you've met your twin flame. The twin flame will mirror back to you everything you haven't dealt with when you're with them. Even though the connection is intense one half of the twin flame will always be tempted to run while the other will be on the chase. The relationship has a runner-chaser dynamic and is difficult. The relationship is extremely tense emotionally and tends to move very quickly. It is accompanied by much frustration and just as many tears. 

If you are struggling in an intense, emotional roller coaster of a relationship and you're not sure what you should do with it, how to move through it, or heal from it, I can help you sort through it. Book your Relationship Assessment Session here and let's work together. I will show you how you can heal any unresolved S.H.I.T. (Shame Hurt Insecurities & Triggers) and create happiness, peace and success in your relationships.

The body is a storage container for everything we have ever experienced. By understanding the mind, body and spirit connection better we can understand the connection between the trapped emotions we store and the physical ailments we suffer from.

We can be affected by trapped emotions for years and even decades without realizing where they come from. When we store these emotions we wind up holding on to blocked energy which can manifest into physical pain.

Trauma, social conditioning, and psychological stressors can result in muscle tension, pain and suffering.

Our first experience with social conditioning begins in our early years of life. Social conditioning is reinforced throughout our lives by our parents, teachers, family members, friends and society. When we are uncomfortable with behaviors that are directed towards us, and are not given a voice as a child to express how we feel, we hold in emotions and feelings that become blocked energy. A lot of the muscle tension that we develop is the result of unspoken social beliefs that we were taught to adopt as a way of being "acceptable", "good", or "likable" as children. 

This way of adopting then becomes an internal program which we act on without consciousness. It's almost as if we are computers being programmed with the conditioning and belief systems that others believe should be your internal software.

Trauma is the result of an overwhelmingly negative event that causes a lasting impact on your mental and emotional state. Trauma can be both physically violent and psychologically devastating.

When these traumatic experiences are not consciously addressed and dealt with, they can result in chronic fear, stress, and even occurrences of PTSD. Chronic anxiety, anger, and grief tends to get stored within the body resulting in muscle tension which contributes to a number of other diseases and illnesses such as mental illness, digestive disorders, fibromyalgia, high blood pressure and even cancer.

Psychological stress is any form of anxiety, sadness, anger, or frustration that we develop as a result of how we see a particular situation. The more fearful, negative or fault-focused our perspective is, the more tension we tend to store in our muscles.

The Emotion/Body Connection

Everything on the physical plane is a manifestation of something on the Metaphysical plane. Your physical symptoms are merely tangible evidence of what you are really feeling deep inside. Your body becomes weaker, or stronger, depending on the condition of your mental state. Scientists can now measure the physiological effects of your emotional states.

Shame resonates at the lowest vibration, followed by guilt and then apathy, grief, fear, anxiety, craving, anger and hate. On the opposite spectrum, love, trust, acceptance, forgiveness, understanding, optimism, joy, serenity, willingness and enlightenment, strengthen you.

When you suffer from an accident or injury, weak or incoherent emotional areas are where an injury will gravitate. Your biology is a combination of verbal, intellectual, physical and psycho-emotional states of harmony or conflict. For example, roots of your past problems are reflected in the left side of your body, while how you feel about your future is reflected in the right side. Injuries or pain generally appear on one side of the body. Whichever side your pain is concentrated on reflects the side of you that feels confused or unsupported.

Are you a number one priority in your life?

Your life begins, and ends, with you...
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Every aspect of your life... your finances, relationships, emotional well-being, spiritual connection and health... begins with you.

As women, we have been conditioned to seek for validation, power, security, happiness, and "enoughness" outside of ourselves. More often than not, we seek for our worthiness and to be acknowledged by other people and when we don't get what we expect, we are left with a deep-seated feeling of disappointment that often leads to a feeling of inadequacy.

To walk authentically in the power and amazing of who you are, you have to identify who the woman in the mirror REALLY is... 

Not what others have said about you...
Not the limited version of yourself that was afraid to be big and bold...
Not the false belief about yourself that was programmed within you...

The Divine YOU... the you that was created in power and with purpose. The unlimited version of who you are created to be. The powerful essence that is directly connected to the Creator/Source/The Divine.

Until you learn how to show up powerfully in relationship with yourself, in power with yourself, in love with yourself, in happiness with yourself and secure within yourself, you will never be able to successfully and effectively tap into this type of relationship with any other person.

What do you need and desire for your life right now?

I believe you found your way here because, not only is something out of alignment in your life and you don't quite know where to turn to for help, or how to align yourself with your PowHER, potential, passion and purpose, but YOU DESIRE MORE FOR YOUR LIFE.

You are probably at a place in your life where you are feeling a need to level up and move past the surface level healing so that you can address things at a soul level. You may even be acknowledging that it's necessary to face the shit in your life head on.

It's time for you to identify and acknowledge whether the people, places and things in your life are adding to your joy and peace or subtracting from it.

Let's just be honest about it... you are connected to some relationships and situations that are not serving your joy, peace or success. You recognize that you need to do some soul searching and shift some things in order to welcome newness in your life. It's time to shed the old in order to replenish your life with newness.

You are a woman who knows that you are destined for greater and your hearts desire is to move beyond the pain and the feeling of emptiness and dissatisfaction, and connect to your PowHER and happy place...

But becoming number one requires you to do some work. So where do you start?

1. Believe that you can BE.
2. Decide that you deserve to BE.
3. Choose to take the necessary steps to BEcome.
4. BE willing to do whatever it takes.

It's time for you to give yourself permission to be, do and have it all! If you desire transformation and are ready to move beyond emptiness, heartache and feeling like you are not fulfilling your ultimate purpose in life, I will help you get to the root core of the issues and challenges you are creating.

Yes... I did just say that you are creating.

Every experience that you are having today, you are creating it and the good news is that you can use the same power to recreate it.

That's why you are here reading this...

It's your time, it's your season. The only question is how will you proceed?

If you are ready to experience a new level of passion, fulfillment, success and personal PowHER believe that you can.

If you are ready to master the art of living a life of abundance, purpose, power and presence... A life that gives you the opportunities to play bigger in the game of life, and experience the fulfillment that you desire and deserve, know that you can do it.

​If you are ready to talk about how you can do it all, then click here and let's talk.

It's time for you to be Number One in your life, unapologetically!
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I remember it like it was yesterday, though it was 21 years ago next month...

June 8th, 1999...

I was emotionally broken...

My sister was emotionally broken...

Both of us were in marriages in which we were experiencing infidelity.

My sister was getting telephone calls almost daily from people who "thought she should know" what her husband was doing.

I had listened to voice messages from two different women expressing their "feelings" for my husband.

That morning I told my husband that it was over and that I was no longer going to be with him.

That night my sister died... she permanently left her husband.

But she also left her 4-year old son, my mother and father, me, my children, her friends...

We both checked out that day but in different ways.

Life has knocked you on your a**!

​Now what?

Well there's two ways that you can look at this...

And how you look at this will determine what the outcome of this is.

But before I get into that I want to share with you some major life lessons that I have learned about myself through my knocked-down-by-life moments.

I appreciate that many people don't want to hear this but the truth is that with life comes challenges. Life and challenges are like a couple who can't decide if they should be together or not and yet something keeps pulling them to each other.

Speaking of a couple who can't decide if they should be together or not, our greatest lessons come through our more difficult experiences. Many of these difficult experiences come by way of relationships.

Just like the couple whose relationship serves as a major teacher for both participants, so is life a teacher for us as individuals.

I call our dwelling place the "earth school" because I firmly believe that we are all here to learn. Earth is a place for learning life lessons.

What's so great about this place of learning is that the lessons are on many different spectrums.

I have learned so much about myself through my relationships and ironically I have learned the greatest truths about myself through failed relationships.

I was at a place where I felt that maybe I didn't need to do relationships because they never worked out in my favor. But that thought was creating the very thing that I did not want to experience. 

I AM a relationship person. I love beautiful, loving, powerful and great relationships. So why on earth would I even consider denying myself of that beautiful experience. And yet that's exactly what I was doing... by default.

I hadn't seen what I would call WHOLESOME relationships growing up. Yes, my parents obviously loved each other but they never seemed to achieve true happiness together.

​As an adult, and a specialist in mindset development, I now understand why they never achieved it. It's because they were always so focused on what was missing that they were in a constant cycle of creating lack rather than abundance...

Lack of happiness.
Lack of wealth.
Lack of joy.
Lack of peace.
Lack of unity.

What happens when we are programmed with an idea or belief system as a child? We create it as an adult.

Once I discovered how I was creating lack in my relationships based on my faulty belief systems, I was able to turn my experience with relationships around.

One of the GREATEST lessons that we have the opportunity to learn here in the earth school is what not to do.

“I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.” Thomas Edison

Why do some succeed while others stay in a place of failure?

It's important to understand that everyone has the same opportunities to succeed in life. We can all have what we desire to.

No, I don't live under a rock somewhere. I understand the power of the mind and how it will work for you if you use it for power rather than allow it to limit your potential.

Your destiny does not lie in anything or anyone outside of yourself. Believing that it does keeps you in a continuous cycle of limitations.

When you give yourself the opportunity to tap into the power within you, you open yourself up to every opportunity that is available to you.

When you constantly focus on what you can't do, be or have you give permission for the experience of lack to be your constant reality.

I saw finances as a major disconnect between my parents growing up. So I had a subconscious program running that "money caused problems". Who wants problems? We try to avoid problems at all costs, right?

So what was I doing? Avoiding money at all costs! But who the heck wants to do that, really?

I was repelling it because of my beliefs about what it caused (separation and problems) and I was doing this from a place of unawareness.

It was a struggle to get money.
It was a struggle to keep money.
It was a struggle to have money.
It was a struggle to talk about money.

I had created a struggle around money. So essentially I was resisting money at all costs, unknowingly.

I've had to do A LOT of inner work around Money Mindset. Through my years of study in this area I have been able to identify how I was creating the very thing that I didn't want to experience, which was struggle in the area of finances.

You have to first own it before you can disown it.

Why can't you do it? Why can't you have it? Why can't you be it?

Who is stopping you?

YOU... only you.

Whenever you declare, or accept, that something is hard you are essentially coming into agreement with struggle. You will always struggle in whatever is hard or difficult for you.

If you resign to having no choice, you relinquish your power to be the creator that you were designed to be. Rather than being the creator in your story you become the character in someone else's.

What do you think it means when we are told that God/Creator made us in their image?

What does God do? CREATE.

What do WE do? CREATE!

We are always creating. The sad, unfortunate reality is that most create in default rather than intentionally.

​But what if you truly understood your God-given potential? What could you do?

You could be unstoppable!

If you weren't able to achieve it you wouldn't be able to think about it. What do I mean?

► If you think/wish that you had more money... you can achieve it.
► If you think/wish that you were more successful... you can achieve it.
► If you think/wish that you were happier... you can achieve it.
► If you think/wish that you had a better relationship... you can achieve it.
​► If you think/wish that you were healthier... you can achieve it.
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If you can think about it, you can bring it about. But...

You will experience what you EXPECT. Or in other words, whatever you FOCUS on is what you welcome in as your reality.

This is what I believe William Henley meant in his poem Invictus... 

"It matters not how strait the gate,   
How charged with punishments the scroll,
​I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul."

What you are within is what you will experience outside of yourself. You don't attract what you want, you attract what you are.

​You alone get to decide, and create, your experiences. 

So where do you want to go from here?

Listen you don't have, nor will you EVER have, control over what others do. So stop wasting your time focusing on what everybody else is doing!

This was a huge life lesson for me that I am so grateful to have learned.

Your wealth, success, happiness, peace and joy doesn't lie in somebody else. The ability and potential for creating these lies within you.

However, you can allow others to rob you of all of it. (If you are having an "ouch" moment reading this then face it so you can erase it.)

Have you been guilty of giving your power away by being so focused on what somebody else was, or wasn't, doing?

Have you been denying yourself the thing(s) you desired most because you have been allowing someone else's comfort and happiness to be your priority instead of honoring your own?

They can't take it from you unless you make it available. And even if you believe they stole it without your permission, are you going to continue to allow them to rob you of it because it's all you think about?

Okay... GI Joe said that knowing is half the battle. So now you know where the problem lies. My question to you now is...

​Where Do You Go From Here?

Do you continue to focus on the problem or are you ready to discover the solution? You get to CHOOSE, but you have to first make a decision.

So what are the two ways you can look at this?

You can either continue to think about everything that has gone wrong or decide what "right" looks like for you.

You can either continue to ask the questions....

"Why did they...?"
"Why did he/she...?"
"Why did this...?"
"Why did it...?"

Or you can shift your focus from them to you...

"HOW DO I...?"

You can stay in the place of victim mindset... "Why did...?"

Or you can shift to victor mindset... "How do I...?"

Now that you know you have a choice, where do you go from here?

Do you want to remain a victim to external circumstances or do you want to walk in victory, RECLAIM Your PowHER and BEcome the Creator that you were designed to be?

You get to choose and you get to walk in your power.

Now, WHERE DO YOU GO FROM HERE?

Need help?

Let's chat!

​www.TalkToDenika.com

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Is bondage physical, mental or emotional?

The short answer is bondage occurs in all three of these areas and not understanding how it shows up will confine you to a place of bondage that feels very difficult to escape.

But where and how does bondage begin?

The illusion will have us believe that bondage is more of a physical experience but every experience that we have begins within the mind, is felt within the emotions and experienced in the body.

Our emotional experiences and our physical experiences begin as a process within the mind.

Over the past two months I have taken to bike riding. It's an activity that I thoroughly enjoyed as a child and I enjoy it just as much today at the age of 52. I discovered that doing what you love truly feeds your soul.

I have been experiencing major life lessons on my bike rides that I am compelled to share with my audience. Today the lesson came through on bondage and liberation.

Seventeen months ago my husband left our home with no explanation. Two months after he left he returned with no explanation or conversation. When I confronted him verbally he attacked me physically which resulted in the police being called to my home at 2am in the morning.

I told the police that I didn't want him there and they asked him to leave for the night. He took a handful of his belongings with him and never returned.

That was fifteen months ago.

There is much mental processing that I have done since that day to now and have had to face some very difficult truths about myself and the relationship that was my marriage.

The first truth that I had to come face to face with was that, in both of my marriages, I entered into the relationship from a place of desperation. I had desperate thoughts as it pertained to the relationships with both spouses.

Any time you enter into an agreement from a place of desperation you are truly setting yourself up to be bound in something that is unhealthy. The foundation of a thing determines the structure of it.

My mind was not in a confident place and my thoughts were all over the place when I entered into marriage eleven years ago. I realize that my state of mind worked against me rather than for me. How can you truly be comfortable in something that was founded on desperation.

​Desperation is not comfortable or confident.

When you can't see clearly you can tend to make things up.

But I saw many things that I knew had an undertone of drama to them. From infidelity to insecurity to incapability to manipulation and control. But the truth is, as women, we have a tendency to pretend that we don't see what we see, excuse it, or convince ourselves that it's not as bad as it seems.

This is the first lie we tell ourselves and in turn we choose to turn a blind eye.

I'm a very strong personality (true Aires I am) and I can hold my own externally. However as an empath I feel emotions at a deep soul level and the feelings can never be denied. You can ignore others but you cannot ignore yourself.

As spiritual beings we are wired in such a way that gives us access to the truth. This shows up in what I call intuition. Our intuition is connected to our feeling sense and this is why it is so important that we DO NOT ignore our feelings. We have to feel what we feel and more importantly we need to understand what we feel and why we feel it.

The truth is... I felt. I felt much discomfort in the beginning emotionally but I was allowing myself to be driven physically.

He was good looking, he was tall, he was financially secure (or at least I thought he was), he was romantic, he was a great kisser. All external.

But he was also insecure, emotionally wounded, disconnected, dishonest, mean in how he spoke about others, negative, and a "victim". All internal.

He constantly talked about what everyone else did to him. That's the mentality of a victim. It's always about what someone else did.

And I was a victim to the story of what my father did to me or didn't do for me. So when you are blind to who you are you can't see clearly that you attract what you are. 

I realized on my bike ride this morning how free I truly am now that I am truly free. 

I'm not just talking about physical freedom. Yes, I'm no longer in the relationship that I was really unhappy in for years. But the truth is that mentally and emotionally I was bound and didn't even realize it.

I went sky diving last year for my 51st birthday. I wanted to do it on my 50th birthday but he objected to it.

I now go bike riding through the forest, something that I know he would be opposed to.

I do the things that I love doing without the thought or worry about what someone else would think about it. It's such a liberating space to be in and I am so grateful.

But the truth is that he wasn't stopping me from being comfortable doing what I wanted to do. The truth is that I was allowing his comfort to be more important to me than my own. And deep down on the inside this was making me very uncomfortable.

A relationship that is healthy and functional is comfortable for all parties involved. This doesn't mean that you will always agree on everything but it does mean that even though I may not agree with your position, I honor the fact that you get to choose what is best for you. Once it is not diminishing what is best for me.

A relationship consists of two individuals... two INDIVIDUALS. Two people with different thoughts, different experiences, different understandings, different outlooks. And different is okay. Different is beautiful. Different is well... different.

Understanding differences, respecting and honoring them makes for healthier, more connected relationships. If you don't like it, you have the right to walk away from it. You do not however have the right to change it or insist that it change.

Until you make the necessary steps to escape the mental trap, you will remain physically trapped. The entrapment to bondage always begins in the mind. Like the song says "Free your mind and the rest will follow."

Escaping emotional and physical bondage begins with a decision. It begins with coming face to face with those thoughts that you have allowed to occupy and consume your mind. If your thoughts are not free, you won't be free emotionally, mentally or physically.

I realized that I alone was keeping myself entrapped within the emotional bondage because I allowed fear of another failed marriage to keep me stuck in a place of discontentment and unfulfillment. I also realize though that deep down on the inside I had a desire to be free... to be happy and in a relationship that added to me rather than subtracted from me.

And the truth is that one door had to close... I had to walk out of the door (or in this case he had to walk out of the door) for me to be able to access the door that I deserve to walk through.

Life always presents you with opportunities to learn, to evolve and to grow. Your responsibility, and mine, is to learn, evolve and grow. Your present circumstances don't define you unless you allow them to. If your soul is calling you to it, know that you can connect with it.

Experiencing liberation requires three things...

• Face it so you can erase it
• Tell the truth about it
• Do what is necessary to achieve it

Pay attention to what you see but more importantly to what you feel. Your ability to create the life that you desire to live is, and always has been, within you.

​Here's to a liberated life! Cheers!
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