Your life begins, and ends, with you...
Every aspect of your life... your finances, relationships, emotional well-being, spiritual connection and health... begins with you.
As women, we have been conditioned to seek for validation, power, security, happiness, and "enoughness" outside of ourselves. More often than not, we seek for our worthiness and to be acknowledged by other people and when we don't get what we expect, we are left with a deep-seated feeling of disappointment that often leads to a feeling of inadequacy.
To walk authentically in the power and amazing of who you are, you have to identify who the woman in the mirror REALLY is...
Not what others have said about you...
Not the limited version of yourself that was afraid to be big and bold...
Not the false belief about yourself that was programmed within you...
The Divine YOU... the you that was created in power and with purpose. The unlimited version of who you are created to be. The powerful essence that is directly connected to the Creator/Source/The Divine.
Until you learn how to show up powerfully in relationship with yourself, in power with yourself, in love with yourself, in happiness with yourself and secure within yourself, you will never be able to successfully and effectively tap into this type of relationship with any other person.
Has Rejection created a counterfeit you?
We have all experienced rejection on some level. Our faulty core belief systems about ourselves came in through the suggestion of someone else. Think about it...
What is the biggest fear or obstacle that you are struggling to overcome? Who suggested that it couldn't be done, or worse still that YOU couldn't do it.
The truth in WHO you are and WHAT you are in life, began as a result of the thought that you came into agreement with..
Until you learn how to manage your thoughts, about life and yourself, managing your life will continuously be a constant challenge for you. Learning how to manage the pain is a big part of the victory to overcoming the limiting beliefs that control your life.
You are a Spirit being having an experience of humanness. Tapping into the true, Divine essence of you is the beginning of living a life that is in complete alignment with your truth and divinity... not who everyone else has De-Fined you to be, or requires you to be.
Who do YOU want to be? Do you want to be number one or will you continue to settle to be less than you know you deserve?
What do you need and desire for your life right now?
I believe you found your way here because, not only is something out of alignment in your life and you don't quite know where to turn to for help, or how to align yourself with your PowHER, potential, passion and purpose, but YOU DESIRE MORE FOR YOUR LIFE.
You are probably at a place in your life where you are feeling a need to level up and move past the surface level healing so that you can address things at a soul level. You may even be acknowledging that it's necessary to face the shit in your life head on.
It's time for you to identify and acknowledge whether the people, places and things in your life are adding to your joy and peace or subtracting from it.
Let's just be honest about it... you are connected to some relationships and situations that are not serving your joy, peace or success. You recognize that you need to do some soul searching and shift some things in order to welcome newness in your life. It's time to shed the old in order to replenish your life with newness.
You are a woman who knows that you are destined for greater and your hearts desire is to move beyond the pain and the feeling of emptiness and dissatisfaction, and connect to your PowHER and happy place...
But becoming number one requires you to do some work. So where do you start?
1. Believe that you can BE.
2. Decide that you deserve to BE.
3. Choose to take the necessary steps to BEcome.
4. BE willing to do whatever it takes.
It's time for you to give yourself permission to be, do and have it all! If you desire transformation and are ready to move beyond emptiness, heartache and feeling like you are not fulfilling your ultimate purpose in life, I will help you get to the root core of the issues and challenges you are creating.
Yes... I did just say that you are creating.
Every experience that you are having today, you are creating it and the good news is that you can use the same power to recreate it.
That's why you are here reading this...
It's your time, it's your season. The only question is how will you proceed?
If you are ready to experience a new level of passion, fulfillment, success and personal PowHER believe that you can.
If you are ready to master the art of living a life of abundance, purpose, power and presence... A life that gives you the opportunities to play bigger in the game of life, and experience the fulfillment that you desire and deserve, know that you can do it.
If you are ready to talk about how you can do it all, then click here and let's talk.
It's time for you to be Number One in your life, unapologetically!
A Permanent Scar
I remember it like it was yesterday, though it was 21 years ago next month...
June 8th, 1999...
I was emotionally broken...
My sister was emotionally broken...
Both of us were in marriages in which we were experiencing infidelity.
My sister was getting telephone calls almost daily from people who "thought she should know" what her husband was doing.
I had listened to voice messages from two different women expressing their "feelings" for my husband.
That morning I told my husband that it was over and that I was no longer going to be with him.
That night my sister died... she permanently left her husband.
But she also left her 4-year old son, my mother and father, me, my children, her friends...
We both checked out that day but in different ways.
A Greater Purpose
My experiences of that day, June 8th, 1999, is profoundly connected to why I do what I do today... coaching women to RECLAIM their PowHER and Awaken to the Divinity of their Femininity.
Several weeks before my sister died she expressed to me in a conversation how tired she was... she was experiencing intense heartbreak and struggling with life.
Emotionally she was drained. Mentally she was drained.
I was drained as well but I was always the "rock" that everyone depended on to help them be stronger.
My strength IS my strength... it always has been. I've always had power within but I had to learn how to harness the power from a spiritual perspective so that I could walk fully in my purpose and Divine calling. Because to be honest with you there was a time when I didn't feel powerful at all.
Today, I am so passionate about what I do in helping women to come on the other side of rejection and grief because it's the nucleus of my story... It's my heart and soul story.
I'm tempted to wish that I could have played a role in keeping my sister here but her story, my story, the connecting of our stories and the lessons I have learned, are what propelled me to walk in my purpose powerfully...
To help women RECLAIM and walk in their Divine Feminine PowHER.
To teach women how to Awaken to the Divinity of their Femininity and transform pain into purpose.
To show women how to turn their story upside down and use it as a platform from which they can help themselves and others.
The Reality of Grief
I work with women who are struggling with grief and rejection:
Grief and rejection affect us at the soul level and are feelings that we will all experience at some point in our life time... it's inevitable and a part of the life experience.
How we process the grief will determine how we come through it.
Truth is some people stay stuck in grief because they don't know how to process it in a healthy way.
With grief comes varying emotions...
Anger, depression, sadness, fear, anxiety, un-forgiveness, loneliness, despondency, desperation, to name a few.
Because grief is a big part of my story, I know that the weight of loss is extremely heavy. Grief shows up on many different levels but it MUST be acknowledged, confronted and processed in order to be healed.
Eventually it's important to see grief for what it serves as... Sacred work for the soul.
Grateful for the Grief
My sister's passing ushered me fully into my willingness to connect with my spiritual, intuitive gift in a way that was no longer scary or overwhelming for me.
See, my gift of intuition and spirit connection was evident when I was a child, but to be honest with you, I was terrified of it.
I now embrace it fully and as a result have been able to help thousands of clients process their fears, rejection, abandonment, and limiting belief systems to come out victoriously on the other side.
Honoring my sister by walking in my PowHER and helping other women who are struggling mentally and emotionally to do the same, is the power behind what I do.
Today I live on purpose and I live with purpose.
This month, May 6th, would have been my sister's 50th birthday. She died at the age of 29.
Two weeks ago spirit mandated me to create a program to help women (and men) transcend the pain of grief by understanding how honoring our emotions, fears and doubts as spiritual opportunities can connect you to the lessons that the experience of grief serves as it pertains to your Divine purpose.
Grief is inescapable, it doesn't discriminate and is an integral part of our soul work.
How I Can Help You...
If you are struggling with grief, rejection, or heart break I want to invite you to join me for my Cancel, Clear, Delete Online Grief Symposium on May 30th, 2020.
This powerful 3 hour Work-In Symposium is designed to help you:
If you are struggling with mental and emotional turmoil over:
Then I want to invite you to join me for this powerful 3-hour online symposium designed to help you understand how to process your grief experience with clarity, strength and direction so that you can move powerfully through the heartbreak, grief and feeling of “stuck” into the place of power and purpose.
In memory of my sister I am offering a 50% discount through to Memorial Day. You have 72 hours to take advantage of this discount.
Space is limited so sign up today and take advantage of my 50% discount offer in loving memory of Kristin Penn-Davis, my baby sister.
Use the code SisterLove to redeem your discount offer.
Life has knocked you on your a**!
Well there's two ways that you can look at this...
And how you look at this will determine what the outcome of this is.
But before I get into that I want to share with you some major life lessons that I have learned about myself through my knocked-down-by-life moments.
I appreciate that many people don't want to hear this but the truth is that with life comes challenges. Life and challenges are like a couple who can't decide if they should be together or not and yet something keeps pulling them to each other.
Speaking of a couple who can't decide if they should be together or not, our greatest lessons come through our more difficult experiences. Many of these difficult experiences come by way of relationships.
Just like the couple whose relationship serves as a major teacher for both participants, so is life a teacher for us as individuals.
I call our dwelling place the "earth school" because I firmly believe that we are all here to learn. Earth is a place for learning life lessons.
What's so great about this place of learning is that the lessons are on many different spectrums.
I have learned so much about myself through my relationships and ironically I have learned the greatest truths about myself through failed relationships.
I was at a place where I felt that maybe I didn't need to do relationships because they never worked out in my favor. But that thought was creating the very thing that I did not want to experience.
I AM a relationship person. I love beautiful, loving, powerful and great relationships. So why on earth would I even consider denying myself of that beautiful experience. And yet that's exactly what I was doing... by default.
I hadn't seen what I would call WHOLESOME relationships growing up. Yes, my parents obviously loved each other but they never seemed to achieve true happiness together.
As an adult, and a specialist in mindset development, I now understand why they never achieved it. It's because they were always so focused on what was missing that they were in a constant cycle of creating lack rather than abundance...
Lack of happiness.
Lack of wealth.
Lack of joy.
Lack of peace.
Lack of unity.
What happens when we are programmed with an idea or belief system as a child? We create it as an adult.
Once I discovered how I was creating lack in my relationships based on my faulty belief systems, I was able to turn my experience with relationships around.
What NOT to do
One of the GREATEST lessons that we have the opportunity to learn here in the earth school is what not to do.
“I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.” Thomas Edison
Why do some succeed while others stay in a place of failure?
It's important to understand that everyone has the same opportunities to succeed in life. We can all have what we desire to.
No, I don't live under a rock somewhere. I understand the power of the mind and how it will work for you if you use it for power rather than allow it to limit your potential.
Your destiny does not lie in anything or anyone outside of yourself. Believing that it does keeps you in a continuous cycle of limitations.
When you give yourself the opportunity to tap into the power within you, you open yourself up to every opportunity that is available to you.
When you constantly focus on what you can't do, be or have you give permission for the experience of lack to be your constant reality.
I saw finances as a major disconnect between my parents growing up. So I had a subconscious program running that "money caused problems". Who wants problems? We try to avoid problems at all costs, right?
So what was I doing? Avoiding money at all costs! But who the heck wants to do that, really?
I was repelling it because of my beliefs about what it caused (separation and problems) and I was doing this from a place of unawareness.
It was a struggle to get money.
It was a struggle to keep money.
It was a struggle to have money.
It was a struggle to talk about money.
I had created a struggle around money. So essentially I was resisting money at all costs, unknowingly.
I've had to do A LOT of inner work around Money Mindset. Through my years of study in this area I have been able to identify how I was creating the very thing that I didn't want to experience, which was struggle in the area of finances.
You have to first own it before you can disown it.
If not you, then who?
Why can't you do it? Why can't you have it? Why can't you be it?
Who is stopping you?
YOU... only you.
Whenever you declare, or accept, that something is hard you are essentially coming into agreement with struggle. You will always struggle in whatever is hard or difficult for you.
If you resign to having no choice, you relinquish your power to be the creator that you were designed to be. Rather than being the creator in your story you become the character in someone else's.
What do you think it means when we are told that God/Creator made us in their image?
What does God do? CREATE.
What do WE do? CREATE!
We are always creating. The sad, unfortunate reality is that most create in default rather than intentionally.
But what if you truly understood your God-given potential? What could you do?
You could be unstoppable!
If you weren't able to achieve it you wouldn't be able to think about it. What do I mean?
► If you think/wish that you had more money... you can achieve it.
► If you think/wish that you were more successful... you can achieve it.
► If you think/wish that you were happier... you can achieve it.
► If you think/wish that you had a better relationship... you can achieve it.
► If you think/wish that you were healthier... you can achieve it.
If you can think about it, you can bring it about. But...
You will experience what you EXPECT. Or in other words, whatever you FOCUS on is what you welcome in as your reality.
This is what I believe William Henley meant in his poem Invictus...
"It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul."
What you are within is what you will experience outside of yourself. You don't attract what you want, you attract what you are.
You alone get to decide, and create, your experiences.
So where do you want to go from here?
Stop Focusing On Others
Listen you don't have, nor will you EVER have, control over what others do. So stop wasting your time focusing on what everybody else is doing!
This was a huge life lesson for me that I am so grateful to have learned.
Your wealth, success, happiness, peace and joy doesn't lie in somebody else. The ability and potential for creating these lies within you.
However, you can allow others to rob you of all of it. (If you are having an "ouch" moment reading this then face it so you can erase it.)
Have you been guilty of giving your power away by being so focused on what somebody else was, or wasn't, doing?
Have you been denying yourself the thing(s) you desired most because you have been allowing someone else's comfort and happiness to be your priority instead of honoring your own?
They can't take it from you unless you make it available. And even if you believe they stole it without your permission, are you going to continue to allow them to rob you of it because it's all you think about?
Okay... GI Joe said that knowing is half the battle. So now you know where the problem lies. My question to you now is...
Where Do You Go From Here?
Do you continue to focus on the problem or are you ready to discover the solution? You get to CHOOSE, but you have to first make a decision.
TWO Points Of View
So what are the two ways you can look at this?
You can either continue to think about everything that has gone wrong or decide what "right" looks like for you.
You can either continue to ask the questions....
"Why did they...?"
"Why did he/she...?"
"Why did this...?"
"Why did it...?"
Or you can shift your focus from them to you...
"HOW DO I...?"
You can stay in the place of victim mindset... "Why did...?"
Or you can shift to victor mindset... "How do I...?"
Now that you know you have a choice, where do you go from here?
Do you want to remain a victim to external circumstances or do you want to walk in victory, RECLAIM Your PowHER and BEcome the Creator that you were designed to be?
You get to choose and you get to walk in your power.
Now, WHERE DO YOU GO FROM HERE?
If you look around you, it’s easy to see everybody attaching his or her own meaning to the word "love."
Some people don’t feel loved unless they’ve seen some sort of thoughtful action from someone else.
Some need to hear empathetic words, while others only feel loved through revealing deeper truths about themselves.
And then there are those who wish to be whisked away on a romantic vacay, be pampered and treated like a King or a Queen.
But here's the problem...
99% Of People Don't KNOW What They WANT!
Trust me, I've been there myself.
There was a time when I struggled in relationships.
No matter how hard I tried, no matter how much I showed love for my significant other, something felt missing. I just wasn’t authentically connecting to him and vice versa.
Something always felt unfulfilled.
Our "needs" weren't being met because we didn't fully understand what our needs were.
It was only when I realized that the love and deeper connection I wanted to have was actually something I can experience on my own that I had a shift in the love experience!
I realized the cold hard truth about having and making that ‘perfect relationship’ was just an illusion.
Where Did The Illusion Come From?
People are always looking for love and so they formulate an "appearance" of love in their minds. But how can you find what you don't recognize?
When I recognized that the love that I desired could only come from within me, was when I stopped searching for the "one" who would bring me love.
I woke up and saw how I had been wrapped up in the illusion of finding ‘true love’ instead of creating a love that was authentic within myself first.
How did I identify the illusion?
Because when I looked within myself and faced it I could see the root of the illusion, where this illusion came from. I realized that when we are born, the first thing we see is our parents and the happy relationship that they try to present to the world, the ideal relationship that they are striving to achieve.
And then we see our other family members and teachers around us doing the same. I recognized that I had grown up with this built-in idea of what a relationship should be. But there always appeared to be a contrast in the relationships I saw.
For example, we celebrate "Love Days" because we ‘should’; we ‘must’ have a Valentine’s Day date - just because everybody else does.
When, in reality, the only thing you SHOULD do is love yourself first!
Here's a good place to begin:
Tip #1 - Love Is A State Of Being, So BE In A State Of Love
It has been said that if you do not truly love yourself, you cannot really love another.
It's about learning to give love to yourself, even when it's difficult, and receiving love even when you rather push it away.
Sometimes loving ourselves looks like doing the things we know we can do to make our lives better - even when it’s uncomfortable.
For example, when I first started to question the validity of my own illusions about finding the ‘perfect’ love, I realized that my search was an endeavor to fulfill a void within. I was lonely.
So how do you truly fill that void of loneliness?
By demonstrating love, not just showing it.
Tip #2 - Demonstrating Love Means Creating Love
Unlike simply "showing" love to someone, demonstrating love means you are opening up to love. Opening up to love can sometimes result in opening up to pain, as in feeling the pain of what another feels through empathy.
We must love, even when it hurts.
First accept how you feel and that it’s okay to feel that way. It’s just a feeling. Don’t judge it.
Feelings come and go through an open heart. Really feel what the loneliness is about and be fully present with it. You’ll discover new things you could have never seen before. This discovery will lead to wisdom through an expanded perspective.
Acknowledge that you deserve to be loved because you are worthy and the better you love yourself the better you teach others how to love and treat you.
When you do this, something amazing happens.
You realize that you don’t need anything outside yourself in order to be happy.
You realize that loneliness, or that void, was nothing but a part of you, which you previously didn’t want to see as it was too painful.
When we are able to connect these pieces together we understand what LOVE TRULY IS and thus we magnetically attract it because we ARE IT.
Put simply... loves awareness and acceptance allows the void to dissolve. Like a light shining in the darkness, awareness is the key.
Tip #3 - You Are Never Truly Alone When You Love Yourself
This is so true! If you are feeling lonely when you are alone, maybe it’s because you don’t like who you are with.
But you are never really alone, because you have yourself! Embracing this time can be an amazing opportunity for personal development and growth.
It is something that I myself have been connecting to for the past two years from a place of awareness. I used to say, I just don’t like being alone, but now I see the alone time as an opportunity to reflect internally on how I feel, what I want in my life and where I am going.
It gives me the chance to give to myself that much needed self-care I now accept that I deserve and am worthy of.
It’s showing me how to stop holding back in life and the importance of releasing the things that are no longer healthy or serving me.
If you are currently single, keep in mind this can be a good thing. This time is the perfect chance you’ll ever have to love yourself the way you deserve to be loved.
Tips And Tricks For Loving Yourself
Write It Down
Make a list of everything you would like to start doing for yourself.
Maybe it’s a morning meditation, daily smoothie, juicing, running, biking, yoga, eating healthier, hiking, exploring, reading, painting, or writing - whatever it may be, use this as an opportunity to get started!
Keep a journal and document how it felt to finally do the things that you have wanted to do for yourself.
Be creative. This is where you take priority in taking care of yourself and doing the little things that make you feel good from the inside out.
You may be surprised by how good it can feel to put yourself first, and hopefully it will inspire you to continue doing so in the future, when appropriate. Today can be the beginning of an incredible relationship with yourself, if you allow it.
Notice Your Body Language
This is a simple observation that doesn’t require any effort.
Your muscles always show you how you feel inside (beyond your mind) as you go about your day. So, at least 2 or 3 times a day, simply notice how you’re sitting, standing, walking, or interacting.
Then shift your body language to something that says you feel good, loving and worthy about yourself. But do it ever so softly and gently. When we slow down we can be fiercely strong and gentle at the same time.
Check In With You
If you simply check in with your inner state consistently, you will start to shape your brain wiring for a more healthy sense of love - thus you will be able to be loved deeper by someone else!
(Note: Again, the first relationship you have is with yourself. This is where ALL your other relationships stem from.)
Depending on how healthy your relationship is with yourself, how much you love yourself, how much integrity and worth you embody (through your actions) and how aligned you are to your inner truth, will be how healthy your relationships are with others.
Remember there is a huge difference between true love and transactional love.
When we exist AS love, it's through our perceptions and actions - including how we see ourselves - and we completely invite love into our lives.
When we treat love like a transaction, it comes down to love being something you must earn. Basically in transactional love we "use" objects, attachments, labels and purchases to convey our love, but it comes from a conditional place. As a result we feel at the heart something is missing in the relationship and things may seem disconnected with our partner in ways.
Receiving "things" may make you happy for a while, but nothing fills your heart like when someone shows you love through their very being. Someone who understands you, sees you, hears you...
Someone who notices the small things about you. Loves you and has your back even when times are difficult. Love that shows up even in the dark and shines the light on the already existing, yet unseen WHOLE.
This is true love.
So don't measure your worth based on if you are single or in a relationship.
Let every day be an opportunity for you to learn how to be loved bigger and better through embodying love yourself, in bigger and better ways.
There is nothing more powerful than the act of love through the state of being love.
Loving someone in the highest sense means to have an unselfish and compassionate concern towards your own highest good too. In this you can fully demonstrate and embody love in its truest sense.
We must love (and receive love) from a cup that is full, not empty. We must fill our own cup rather than depending on someone else to fill it.
Today and all days.... please remember YOU have the power to love. Starting with yourself.
Is bondage physical, mental or emotional?
The short answer is bondage occurs in all three of these areas and not understanding how it shows up will confine you to a place of bondage that feels very difficult to escape.
But where and how does bondage begin?
The illusion will have us believe that bondage is more of a physical experience but every experience that we have begins within the mind, is felt within the emotions and experienced in the body.
Our emotional experiences and our physical experiences begin as a process within the mind.
The Mind is a Powerful Thing To Waste
Over the past two months I have taken to bike riding. It's an activity that I thoroughly enjoyed as a child and I enjoy it just as much today at the age of 52. I discovered that doing what you love truly feeds your soul.
I have been experiencing major life lessons on my bike rides that I am compelled to share with my audience. Today the lesson came through on bondage and liberation.
Seventeen months ago my husband left our home with no explanation. Two months after he left he returned with no explanation or conversation. When I confronted him verbally he attacked me physically which resulted in the police being called to my home at 2am in the morning.
I told the police that I didn't want him there and they asked him to leave for the night. He took a handful of his belongings with him and never returned.
That was fifteen months ago.
There is much mental processing that I have done since that day to now and have had to face some very difficult truths about myself and the relationship that was my marriage.
The first truth that I had to come face to face with was that, in both of my marriages, I entered into the relationship from a place of desperation. I had desperate thoughts as it pertained to the relationships with both spouses.
Any time you enter into an agreement from a place of desperation you are truly setting yourself up to be bound in something that is unhealthy. The foundation of a thing determines the structure of it.
My mind was not in a confident place and my thoughts were all over the place when I entered into marriage eleven years ago. I realize that my state of mind worked against me rather than for me. How can you truly be comfortable in something that was founded on desperation.
Desperation is not comfortable or confident.
The Blind Eye
When you can't see clearly you can tend to make things up.
But I saw many things that I knew had an undertone of drama to them. From infidelity to insecurity to incapability to manipulation and control. But the truth is, as women, we have a tendency to pretend that we don't see what we see, excuse it, or convince ourselves that it's not as bad as it seems.
This is the first lie we tell ourselves and in turn we choose to turn a blind eye.
I'm a very strong personality (true Aires I am) and I can hold my own externally. However as an empath I feel emotions at a deep soul level and the feelings can never be denied. You can ignore others but you cannot ignore yourself.
As spiritual beings we are wired in such a way that gives us access to the truth. This shows up in what I call intuition. Our intuition is connected to our feeling sense and this is why it is so important that we DO NOT ignore our feelings. We have to feel what we feel and more importantly we need to understand what we feel and why we feel it.
The truth is... I felt. I felt much discomfort in the beginning emotionally but I was allowing myself to be driven physically.
He was good looking, he was tall, he was financially secure (or at least I thought he was), he was romantic, he was a great kisser. All external.
But he was also insecure, emotionally wounded, disconnected, dishonest, mean in how he spoke about others, negative, and a "victim". All internal.
He constantly talked about what everyone else did to him. That's the mentality of a victim. It's always about what someone else did.
And I was a victim to the story of what my father did to me or didn't do for me. So when you are blind to who you are you can't see clearly that you attract what you are.
Facing Your Truth
I realized on my bike ride this morning how free I truly am now that I am truly free.
I'm not just talking about physical freedom. Yes, I'm no longer in the relationship that I was really unhappy in for years. But the truth is that mentally and emotionally I was bound and didn't even realize it.
I went sky diving last year for my 51st birthday. I wanted to do it on my 50th birthday but he objected to it.
I now go bike riding through the forest, something that I know he would be opposed to.
I do the things that I love doing without the thought or worry about what someone else would think about it. It's such a liberating space to be in and I am so grateful.
But the truth is that he wasn't stopping me from being comfortable doing what I wanted to do. The truth is that I was allowing his comfort to be more important to me than my own. And deep down on the inside this was making me very uncomfortable.
A relationship that is healthy and functional is comfortable for all parties involved. This doesn't mean that you will always agree on everything but it does mean that even though I may not agree with your position, I honor the fact that you get to choose what is best for you. Once it is not diminishing what is best for me.
A relationship consists of two individuals... two INDIVIDUALS. Two people with different thoughts, different experiences, different understandings, different outlooks. And different is okay. Different is beautiful. Different is well... different.
Understanding differences, respecting and honoring them makes for healthier, more connected relationships. If you don't like it, you have the right to walk away from it. You do not however have the right to change it or insist that it change.
Escaping The Trap
Until you make the necessary steps to escape the mental trap, you will remain physically trapped. The entrapment to bondage always begins in the mind. Like the song says "Free your mind and the rest will follow."
Escaping emotional and physical bondage begins with a decision. It begins with coming face to face with those thoughts that you have allowed to occupy and consume your mind. If your thoughts are not free, you won't be free emotionally, mentally or physically.
I realized that I alone was keeping myself entrapped within the emotional bondage because I allowed fear of another failed marriage to keep me stuck in a place of discontentment and unfulfillment. I also realize though that deep down on the inside I had a desire to be free... to be happy and in a relationship that added to me rather than subtracted from me.
And the truth is that one door had to close... I had to walk out of the door (or in this case he had to walk out of the door) for me to be able to access the door that I deserve to walk through.
Life always presents you with opportunities to learn, to evolve and to grow. Your responsibility, and mine, is to learn, evolve and grow. Your present circumstances don't define you unless you allow them to. If your soul is calling you to it, know that you can connect with it.
Experiencing liberation requires three things...
Pay attention to what you see but more importantly to what you feel. Your ability to create the life that you desire to live is, and always has been, within you.
Here's to a liberated life! Cheers!
The Journey Begins
Life is not a destination... it's a journey. Success also is a journey.
There are so many facets of life in which we desire to "arrive" at a particular destination. The unfortunate thing is that many don't give themselves the opportunity to just enjoy the ride.
Today I ventured out with my daughter into unknown territory. Territory that I had never experienced before.
She asked me, "mummy do you want to go riding through the forest?"
Well I'm up for a good adventure and I love spending time with my children so of course I said, "yes".
Thing is, I had NO idea what path I was about to tread, or more specifically ride upon.
It started off great. It was a beautiful day today. And I really enjoy cycling.
We literally went riding through the forest.
There was rough terrain. There was smooth terrain. There was hilly terrain. There was dangerous terrain.
When I started off on this adventure I didn't think about any of the things that might be uncomfortable or scary about this new experience. I was just down for the ride.
We got off of the bikes at one point to explore. My daughter told me to watch where I was walking because there was poison ivy in this patch. Well that was okay because I know how to walk carefully.
And then she stopped and said "Oh God!"
I asked, "What happened?"
She said, "That's a snake!"
Now Jesus! I don't walk in fear but I also don't walk with snakes!!
As we got deeper into the forest I realized that this might require some caution, but also awareness.
I honestly was very tempted to turn around and exit stage get the hell outta here. But I chose to continue the journey and not allow fear of the unknown to interrupt the experience. I just said a prayer that went like this...
"Ima need all snakes and things that I wish not to experience to remove yourselves from my view and path!"
And thankfully she was the only one who had a snake experience!
The Path Less Travelled
The interesting observation I had during the first part of the ride was that only she and I were on the trail. As we got in a little further we saw an occasional rider other than ourselves. Trust me this ride is not for everybody and the reality of that hit me pretty quickly as I observed there were few people on this path.
That's the way it is in life.
Sometimes, when treading into new territory there won't be many people along for the ride. And we have to be okay with that. Everything is not for everybody.
As a matter of fact I said to my daughter, "seems like we the only two black people out here. I guess it's the white in us that would have us doing something like this." We both laughed. My mother would have been proud! :)
Towards the end of the journey we saw one other person who we thought looked like us.
But isn't that what we do sometimes. Look for something familiar when we are in unfamiliar territory. Looking for something outside of us that makes us feel comfortable when what we really need to do is seek for comfort and assurance within.
Why is this important?
Because most often you will not find outside of yourself what you need to feel good about the choices you make FOR yourself.
When you step out into new territory the journey may feel isolated or lonely at times. I have learned that the quantity is not what's important. It's the quality that ultimately matters the most.
As we got deeper into the forest we hit some rough and hilly terrain. This trail was a new experience and I realized at one point that I might need to slow it down and be very aware of the path ahead of me.
My daughter rode this path once before and I was actually VERY impressed at how confidently she led the way. And yes, I relied on my daughter to lead me on this adventure because she was more experienced than I was with this uncharted territory.
When we don't know where we are going, trusting someone to guide the way is sometimes necessary to staying on course. There is NO way I would have been able to navigate this trail on my own. As a matter of fact I said to her when we completed it, "there is NO way I will be taking that ride by myself." Not right now anyway.
But I digress...
As we rode on a little further we hit a hill that I didn't expect!
How many times in life and business are we hit with unexpected hurdles and mountains. But you know what I have learned about life. It is always teaching us. It is our responsibility to learn the lesson.
The hill that I didn't expect caused a major stumble, a painful bump, an inevitable bruise and an almost crash to the ground. I didn't hit the ground but the hit I took to the groin definitely caused me to keel over, and say a few choice words for about 10 minutes.
But we were already deep into the journey. Turning back was not an option.
I had to make the decision, in spite of the pain, to get back on the bike and resume the ride. This was something I had set out to do and I was determined to complete it.
Situations will cause us to stumble and at times fall. We can always make the choice to get back up and keep moving forward.
The pain that I experienced during the mishap was a great pain but you know what I observed...
Within 10 minutes of getting back on the bike I no longer felt the pain that had me doubled over.
But even greater still was this...
When I came to another hill, because of the near fall that I had with the first one, I knew that I needed to maneuver this one differently. Did I have another stumble? YES. But the experience was less traumatic.
When I came upon the third hill the lessons that I had learned through my encounter with the first two made me decide that I might do better getting off of the bike and walking up the hill rather than trying to ride it.
I chose to ascend more slowly. And even though the it took me about 30 seconds longer I got there, unbruised.
At the end of this ride I had a major revelation.
I reflected on the fact that the journey of life isn't always an easy one. There will be stumbles there will be beauty. There will be struggles there will be ease. There will be pain and there will be pleasure.
But no matter what bumps the journey may bring your way, if taking it is something that you desire to do, while you're on the path give yourself the opportunity to enjoy the ride.
I could have focused on the pain or the scary parts and I could have let it stop me from ever having that experience again. But you know what...
I'm looking forward to the next forest bike ride with my daughter and possibly my son (who would have enjoyed that adventure).
Life is not a destination. Success is not a destination. Happiness is not a destination. It is a journey and the journey of getting there can be an enjoyable one if you decide it will be.
And when you do get there don't stop because there's always another journey to somewhere that awaits you.
Even though this ride bruised me up a bit (actually quite a bit lol) I am ready to venture out again.
In life we will be bruised, hurt, scared and even a little bit hesitant but never forget to enjoy the journey.
Don't allow the mishaps to limit you from moving through life with hope, excitement, fun and laughter.
Don't let the small stuff, or even the scary stuff, hinder you from experiencing, and creating, even bigger memories and experiences.
Always give yourself permission to enjoy the ride!
The FOCUS of the Message
Even if you don't ascribe to the Christian religion, I feel it's safe to assume that many throughout the world are familiar with the story of Christ.
But what is the REAL story. We pretty much understand the repeated story but I ask today is the told story the truth, the whole truth and nothing but.
But even more important to me is this... what is the FOCUS of the story. Or more importantly, what SHOULD the focus be.
We all have a purpose in this world and whilst our purpose may not be global, worldwide or even community wide, we all have a purpose and it is our responsibility to tap into what that purpose is so that we can effectively carry it out.
Christ was sure of his purpose.
1. To testify to the truth. John 18:37 "For this reason I was born and have come into the world, to testify to the truth."
2. To exemplify forgiveness. Matthew 11:25 "And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”
3. To teach us how to walk in faith. Matthew 6:31-35 "So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
4. To make abundance available. John 10:10 "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."
5. How to show up positively in the world. Matthew 5:16 "In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven."
Matthew 22:37-40 Jesus replied: “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’
This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
6. That nothing is impossible. Matthew 19:26 26 Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
7. To give his life and die. John 19:30 "When he had received the drink, Jesus said, “It is finished.” With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit."
Matthew 10:45 "For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
John 10:17-18 "The reason the Father loves me is that I lay down my life in order to take it up again. No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down and authority to take it up again. This charge I have received from my Father. "
The title Christian was given to a group by men because they were teaching the words that Christ had spoken. It's not a belief... it's a label. Jesus never gave a name/label to his followers. The title used most often in the bible is "Saints" which simply means consecrated to God. This reflects not just the individual but the connection to a group of people set apart for the purpose of being the ultimate message of the Creator... LOVE, Forgiveness and Unity.
So how did the movement of the message become a structured organization of massive buildings, elitist arrogance, judgment, condemnation, separation and self-righteousness?
For me personally, the answer to that question is of little relevance.
The way I honor the messenger Christ, the Son of God who assures me that I am the daughter of God (as are you daughters and sons of God), is to continue to be an example of Love, Light, Hope, Unity, Compassion and Empathy. All of these I see Christ as being.
Not a being who felt that he should be exalted and set apart. But a Teacher of good news. One who chose to be a LIVING example of the Love of God and the Compassion that man should strive for. He chose to be born that he might be an example and then he chose that he would die that the impact of his message may continue in power.
In my opinion the FOCUS should not be the cross. It is one of the reasons that I don't resonate with wearing one. Remember during that time everyone put to death was nailed to a cross.
I choose to FOCUS on the resurrection... the glory in the story rather than the sting in the story. The crucifixion was the process of the experience to produce growth... in this case life.
The ultimate message for me of Christ's sojourn here in this earthly realm, and the impact of that message, is that LOVE is key. It is the one force that when exercised and allowed as intended, will cover a multitude. For me this means will put an end to everything that is not in alignment with the highest good for ALL.
When I love God and I love me and I love you, therein is peace, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control (the FRUIT of the spirit). Against such things there is no law (manmade) and in my opinion no need for law.
Therein is the message that Christ came to demonstrate. See words mean nothing without action behind them. Sometimes we need to see the action to understand or justify the words. Christ was the word in action.
On today, a day set aside to celebrate RESURRECTION, let us remember that this is the day that matters. The crucifixion was the necessary path to the purpose. The message of the resurrection for me is that we can have life and have it more abundantly.
So I choose to live in abundance daily as I love and be love for others to see and experience. I choose to let my light shine and help others to see their way through the darkness.
Let us live our lives, LIVING, LOVING and BEING rather than focusing on death, pain, persecution and living in a place of fear.
The pain is simply the process of the experience that produces growth. If you are not growing you are dying. So give yourself permission to grow and live...
BE Love for yourself and to others
KNOW that it's all possible
You get to CHOOSE
And if you want to know who and what I am.... I AM Love... Period!
The beautiful thing about life is that you get to choose how to live yours. Most people however are so focused on C.R.A.P. (Constantly Reacting to Another Person) that they can't allow joy to be the focus of their life experience. Which is sad because truthfully what we all desire is happiness.
Researchers think that roughly 40 percent of our happiness is under our own control; the rest is determined by genetics and external factors. That means there's a lot we can do to control our own happiness.
According to the federal Health Resources and Services Administration:
We have become so absorbed in a world of distractions and disconnect that we have neglected to put our energy and attention into what truly matters in life...
MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS - our own.
Relationships are essential to our happiness and well-being. Studies have found that the happiest and healthiest people are those who cultivate strong relationships with people they trust to support them.
Whether fortunately or unfortunately, social media has given us a window, and often a front row seat, into the lives of others. And these others are people who often we barely know and yet we spend so much focus and energy 'relating' to these people.
When you become more absorbed in someone else's world and relationships rather than putting time, energy and attention into how you are creating your own, you begin to find that you feel very dissatisfied with your life because someone else's life will always "appear" better than yours. This is especially true when you are comparing your life to the lives of others.
COMPARISON IS CRIPPLING.
So how do you create a life that you love rather than living in a life that feels Love-less?
Here are 5 key steps to loving your life:
1. Find what you love doing and do it at least once a week. Give yourself more "me" time and get to know who you are in this season of your life and what you like/love. This can be something as simple as sleeping in late, eating a particular food, being out in nature or getting your hair and nails done. Spending time moving daily and getting outdoors in good weather works wonders to raise your serotonin levels. Intentionally investing in self-happiness is a key step to enjoying your life and feeling content.
2. Focus on what's good in your life. In a world of chaos you will always be able to find something that isn't good. Your focus on what's not good will create space for more of what's not good to come into your experience. Whether it directly affects you or indirectly affects you, when your thoughts are constantly on what's going wrong you will always see what's not right. Gratitude is the key to being able to see what's beautiful in your life. The fact that you have what you need, that you have a good relationship with your children or friends, that when you woke up this morning you were alive, are all beautiful aspects of life that people often take for granted. Be grateful for the little things and you will make room for greater things to come to you for which you can be grateful.
3. LOVE YOURSELF and tell yourself how amazing you are! Listen looking for love in all the wrong places will keep you in a cycle of wrong feelings, wrong connections and wrong experiences. Self validation is the most powerful validation in the world. Let's face it, we live in a critical world where everything that is wrong is often highlighted and given our attention. The opinions of others often leaves you in a place of feeling that you are not quite 'enough'. Give what you desire from someone else to yourself. By doing so you will teach others how they can (and cannot) treat you.
4. Remember that you DO have a choice. What you experience in your life is as a result of the choices that you make. You get to participate in the decision of every aspect of your life. Remembering this will put you in the position of power in your life rather than allowing your power to be usurped, or manipulated, by someone else. When you take responsibility for the fact that you can create your experiences you also give yourself the power to re-create, or un-create, aspects of your life that are not in alignment with the joy and happiness that you wish to experience.
5. Find joy in the little things. Your joy, or lack thereof, is really within your own power to control. If it doesn't support your joy or happiness know that you can choose to disconnect from it. If it supports your joy and happiness know that you can choose to CONNECT TO IT. Something as simple as putting on a good funny movie, or reading an enjoyable book or article when you need an uplift in your mood can have a great impact on shifting your energy. Don't make someone else responsible for your joy and never miss an opportunity to laugh at yourself. ;)
Your relationships, and what you feel within them, will always be an extension of who you are and how you feel about yourself. If you want to experience the greatest relationships outside of you then begin today to cultivate the greatest relationship ever with yourself. After all, that's the one relationship that will never leave you.
We live in a world of too much...
Too much emails
Too much drama
Too much stuff
Too much junk
Too much racism
Too much hatred
Too much bills
Too much loneliness
Too much depression
Too much sadness
It's just all too much! And it's become overwhelming to too many people.
We've heard it for too long... simple is better. Well if this is true why does everything seem so complicated?
It's because we have bought into the narrative that more is better without understanding what more entails. And whilst I am a firm believer that we can be more, do more and have more if that's what we desire, often consideration is not given to what kind of more we are creating, and what the more will bring with it.
"To whom much is given much is required" is a scripture that many know yet do not understand the depth that comes with the responsibility of more. I believe, however, that there is an unspoken understanding and this is why many people settle for less when they really desire more.
More is great if it brings with it...
More meaningful connections
The world has become so disconnected from the value of life while chasing the value of stuff. I've heard many stories of people on their death beds yet have never heard of them regretting not having more "stuff".
More is great when it contributes value to our relationship with ourselves and our relationships with others. Often when one seeks for more it's because they feel that they are lacking something. Seeking for more with the mindset of lack creates more lack because you end up with "too much" rather than more of. When you think about it, 'too much' is rarely a good thing.
When you desire more from a place of love and gratitude, with a motivation to be more for yourself first and then for others, you make space to create abundance.
If you are feeling a sense of too much, and are feeling overwhelmed by it, you are facing a decision today and I challenge you to reflect on...
"What's important to ME? What truly matters in MY life right now?"
This question of reflection may lead you to downsizing some things like the 900 channels on your cable package. I mean who really has TIME to watch 900 channels? You may find that you are paying for things that you don't even use. You may be motivated to declutter your closet of the outfits that you haven't even looked at, much less worn, during the last 2 years. You may realize that the relationship you are in does not support your joy or peace. You might discover that your career/job is the reason why you suffer with headaches and exhaustion every day. You might find it necessary to evaluate your friendships and associations.
Listen... this is one of the most valuable lessons that I have learned in my life... you cannot be, do or give to someone else what you are not able to be, do or give to yourself. I will never be able to teach you something that I haven't yet learned. Okay, yes it can be argued that I can teach you from someone else's book but baby when I teach you from the book that I have penned with my own hand, because I have learned it first-hand through my own experience, you will KNOW that I know what I'm talking about because you will feel it.
It's called conviction! And it just may be time for you to live by your own convictions rather than the convictions and suggestions of others. If it don't fit you don't force it on you and don't allow others to force it upon you either. Give yourself permission to choose what works best for you in this season of your life.
I spent the first two hours of my morning unsubscribing from the email list of others. 80% of my email inbox is filled up with junk mail every day that I never opted in for. I've just been allowing it to pile up in there. Today I said "nope... time to disconnect from EVERYTHING that clutters my space... physically, mentally and emotionally." Time for me to stop wasting time on anything that brings no value to me.
You get to do that too. If it's become too much for you know that you can downsize, declutter, release, walk away from, modify or amend.
Your life is yours... remember you get to do with it what you choose. If it's become too much remember less can be more beneficial for you.
It's a word we all like to see. It gets our attention.
"Buy one get one free"... who doesn't like to see that when they go shopping? Especially if it's an item that you want.
Free excites us right?
If you were given the choice to purchase something or get it for free which one would you choose?Many would say they would choose "free" and yet who doesn't love being able to afford to buy something? Truth is though that those "free" offers usually come with a price being paid.
So I ask you the question today... what is the price of freedom?
But more importantly what is freedom WORTH to you?
For me, freedom equates to peace and peace to me is worth EVERYTHING!! There's no price too great for it.
When I'm free in my mind I'm at peace.
When I'm free in my spirit I'm at peace.
When I'm free in my finances I feel peace.
When I'm emotionally free I feel peaceful.
But in my life I have learned that freedom comes with a price. Freedom often requires sacrifice as well. Many will tell you that they want to be free, to have peace, but often aren't willing to do what is required to achieve that.
Peace and freedom is a state of mind that when practiced consistently can become a state of BEing. You know that saying... "As you think in your heart, so you are." Doesn't really make sense to the thinking mind because we don't actually "think" with our heart.
But, as you think (over and over) you come to believe.
Whatever you believe becomes a feeling of the heart.
Whatever the heart feels becomes your truth.
Whatever is true for you, you become.
As a woman thinks in her heart, so is she.
So, what is the condition of your heart today?
If you are in the B category you are ending this year positioned to make great things happen in 2020. If you fall mostly in category A, and you don't make an intentional shift, you are poised to experience more of what I KNOW you don't desire to feel in this upcoming new year.
But the good news is this..
t's not too late to shift gears and get your life moving in the right direction.
If you acknowledge that you need help in shifting then let's talk about how I can help you.
Send me an email to Denika@DenikaCarothers.com with "I need your help" and we'll make it happen.
Loving you into 2020...
I am Denika Carothers, Creator of RECLAIM Your PowHER and FOCUS to Victory. I am an Intuitive Spiritual Life Coach. I coach my clients in the place of their soul.