Life has knocked you on your a**!
Well there's two ways that you can look at this...
And how you look at this will determine what the outcome of this is.
But before I get into that I want to share with you some major life lessons that I have learned about myself through my knocked-down-by-life moments.
I appreciate that many people don't want to hear this but the truth is that with life comes challenges. Life and challenges are like a couple who can't decide if they should be together or not and yet something keeps pulling them to each other.
Speaking of a couple who can't decide if they should be together or not, our greatest lessons come through our more difficult experiences. Many of these difficult experiences come by way of relationships.
Just like the couple whose relationship serves as a major teacher for both participants, so is life a teacher for us as individuals.
I call our dwelling place the "earth school" because I firmly believe that we are all here to learn. Earth is a place for learning life lessons.
What's so great about this place of learning is that the lessons are on many different spectrums.
I have learned so much about myself through my relationships and ironically I have learned the greatest truths about myself through failed relationships.
I was at a place where I felt that maybe I didn't need to do relationships because they never worked out in my favor. But that thought was creating the very thing that I did not want to experience.
I AM a relationship person. I love beautiful, loving, powerful and great relationships. So why on earth would I even consider denying myself of that beautiful experience. And yet that's exactly what I was doing... by default.
I hadn't seen what I would call WHOLESOME relationships growing up. Yes, my parents obviously loved each other but they never seemed to achieve true happiness together.
As an adult, and a specialist in mindset development, I now understand why they never achieved it. It's because they were always so focused on what was missing that they were in a constant cycle of creating lack rather than abundance...
Lack of happiness.
Lack of wealth.
Lack of joy.
Lack of peace.
Lack of unity.
What happens when we are programmed with an idea or belief system as a child? We create it as an adult.
Once I discovered how I was creating lack in my relationships based on my faulty belief systems, I was able to turn my experience with relationships around.
What NOT to do
One of the GREATEST lessons that we have the opportunity to learn here in the earth school is what not to do.
“I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.” Thomas Edison
Why do some succeed while others stay in a place of failure?
It's important to understand that everyone has the same opportunities to succeed in life. We can all have what we desire to.
No, I don't live under a rock somewhere. I understand the power of the mind and how it will work for you if you use it for power rather than allow it to limit your potential.
Your destiny does not lie in anything or anyone outside of yourself. Believing that it does keeps you in a continuous cycle of limitations.
When you give yourself the opportunity to tap into the power within you, you open yourself up to every opportunity that is available to you.
When you constantly focus on what you can't do, be or have you give permission for the experience of lack to be your constant reality.
I saw finances as a major disconnect between my parents growing up. So I had a subconscious program running that "money caused problems". Who wants problems? We try to avoid problems at all costs, right?
So what was I doing? Avoiding money at all costs! But who the heck wants to do that, really?
I was repelling it because of my beliefs about what it caused (separation and problems) and I was doing this from a place of unawareness.
It was a struggle to get money.
It was a struggle to keep money.
It was a struggle to have money.
It was a struggle to talk about money.
I had created a struggle around money. So essentially I was resisting money at all costs, unknowingly.
I've had to do A LOT of inner work around Money Mindset. Through my years of study in this area I have been able to identify how I was creating the very thing that I didn't want to experience, which was struggle in the area of finances.
You have to first own it before you can disown it.
If not you, then who?
Why can't you do it? Why can't you have it? Why can't you be it?
Who is stopping you?
YOU... only you.
Whenever you declare, or accept, that something is hard you are essentially coming into agreement with struggle. You will always struggle in whatever is hard or difficult for you.
If you resign to having no choice, you relinquish your power to be the creator that you were designed to be. Rather than being the creator in your story you become the character in someone else's.
What do you think it means when we are told that God/Creator made us in their image?
What does God do? CREATE.
What do WE do? CREATE!
We are always creating. The sad, unfortunate reality is that most create in default rather than intentionally.
But what if you truly understood your God-given potential? What could you do?
You could be unstoppable!
If you weren't able to achieve it you wouldn't be able to think about it. What do I mean?
► If you think/wish that you had more money... you can achieve it.
► If you think/wish that you were more successful... you can achieve it.
► If you think/wish that you were happier... you can achieve it.
► If you think/wish that you had a better relationship... you can achieve it.
► If you think/wish that you were healthier... you can achieve it.
If you can think about it, you can bring it about. But...
You will experience what you EXPECT. Or in other words, whatever you FOCUS on is what you welcome in as your reality.
This is what I believe William Henley meant in his poem Invictus...
"It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul."
What you are within is what you will experience outside of yourself. You don't attract what you want, you attract what you are.
You alone get to decide, and create, your experiences.
So where do you want to go from here?
Stop Focusing On Others
Listen you don't have, nor will you EVER have, control over what others do. So stop wasting your time focusing on what everybody else is doing!
This was a huge life lesson for me that I am so grateful to have learned.
Your wealth, success, happiness, peace and joy doesn't lie in somebody else. The ability and potential for creating these lies within you.
However, you can allow others to rob you of all of it. (If you are having an "ouch" moment reading this then face it so you can erase it.)
Have you been guilty of giving your power away by being so focused on what somebody else was, or wasn't, doing?
Have you been denying yourself the thing(s) you desired most because you have been allowing someone else's comfort and happiness to be your priority instead of honoring your own?
They can't take it from you unless you make it available. And even if you believe they stole it without your permission, are you going to continue to allow them to rob you of it because it's all you think about?
Okay... GI Joe said that knowing is half the battle. So now you know where the problem lies. My question to you now is...
Where Do You Go From Here?
Do you continue to focus on the problem or are you ready to discover the solution? You get to CHOOSE, but you have to first make a decision.
TWO Points Of View
So what are the two ways you can look at this?
You can either continue to think about everything that has gone wrong or decide what "right" looks like for you.
You can either continue to ask the questions....
"Why did they...?"
"Why did he/she...?"
"Why did this...?"
"Why did it...?"
Or you can shift your focus from them to you...
"HOW DO I...?"
You can stay in the place of victim mindset... "Why did...?"
Or you can shift to victor mindset... "How do I...?"
Now that you know you have a choice, where do you go from here?
Do you want to remain a victim to external circumstances or do you want to walk in victory, RECLAIM Your PowHER and BEcome the Creator that you were designed to be?
You get to choose and you get to walk in your power.
Now, WHERE DO YOU GO FROM HERE?
I am Denika Carothers, Life Coach, author, healer and Mental and Emotional Wellness specialist. I help my clients transcend the pain and trauma of rejection, grief, abandonment, loss and abuse.