In one way or another we all become attached to our fears... fears that became ingrained and rooted into our subconscious mind as children. Young minds and souls soak up every word that is spoken and every emotion that is expressed or felt...
The constant criticism, the arguments that we overhear, the judgements that we feel affect us at a cellular level and become a part of our cellular memory. It creates a disconnect in function (dysfunction) in our relationship with self and in our relationships with others.
This creates fear, mistrust, doubt and worry in our relationships, both external and internal.
This is why often throughout our lives we experience eruptions of fearful feelings that create obstacles on our path to success.
The fear of rejection often cripples us from moving towards what we want or showing up for what we desire.
Or we become unhealthily tied to destructive, dysfunctional relationships and situations that cripple us rather than catapult us. We find ourselves depending on external sources to make us feel safe and secure, and when they don't we get caught up in a never ending cycle of disappointment and frustration.
When your self-worth is tied up in something outside of you you are never safe. Emotional attachment to something that is unhealthy severely limits your ability to RECLAIM your PowHER. You can't reclaim something as long as you're allowing someone, or something else the rights to hold on to it.
Have you attached your hopes and dreams of happiness on someone or something external?
Attachment, a fastening or fixation, will keep you stuck. Stuck to your fears and limiting beliefs, which keep you in holding patterns of discontentment and 'not enoughness'.
These behaviors drive your every thought and action. They become the habit that you perform every day. They shape your world and create your reality.
So why do we choose to remain stuck and hesitate to make a change?
What you are not changing you ARE choosing.
Basically it's the fear that is deep rooted within us connected to the rejection and abandonment that we experienced as a child. The fear that is so deeply rooted in our subconscious program that we unconsciously use to help us feel emotionally 'safe' and avoid further pain and disappointment from being rejected, abandoned or judged.
But the longer we avoid our fears the more we become attached and the longer we stay stuck.
Subconscious fears and beliefs affect our operating system... they affect the way we operate in our life. Though we feel that we are 'avoiding' what we fear, the fear actually becomes the fuel that creates the flame... the continuous cycle.
You can't run away from your fears... they are a part of you and go wherever you do.
My emotional attachment crippled me for years.
Throughout my teenage years and well into my adulthood I was plagued by a deep sense of rejection. Even though I was sociable and didn't have a problem connecting with others, deep inside I always felt that I wasn't good enough and that I wasn't fully accepted. I felt that there was everyone else... and then there was me. Even though I was in the circle I never felt that I was a part of the crowd.
I often felt alone and empty on the inside. I felt that no matter how much I wanted to be accepted I wasn't. It drove me into a habit of physical detachment... being able to quickly walk away from relationships yet still finding myself emotionally attached and feeling like the victim. This eventually led to suicide attempts and depression.
All I could see and feel was the emptiness and loneliness but didn't realize back then that I was creating this reality for myself. And so what I ended up doing was creating relationships that supported the empty, lonely feeling. I had a strong external shell but inside, being the sensitive being that I am, I felt the pain at deep, profound levels.
I became afraid of forever being in this pattern of unfulfilling, disconnected relationships. I tried so hard to run from my fear not realizing that my fear was creating the very thing that I was afraid of experiencing. As I tried to run from it, it ran WITH ME.
Attachment keeps us in turmoil emotionally.
Our struggle to get out of the battle just reinforces our attachment to the fight. This is what I recognized was happening with me. As I began to awaken to my Divine Feminine I allowed my soul to show me the way out.
As I awakened I realized that my fear of being rejected created a fear of being seen. So as much as I craved for a truly loving and connected relationship I found that I was creating, by way of my fear, disconnected relationships where who I was was serving the other person but I wasn't being served by them. Whenever I started to feel close and open myself up to others, my subconscious fear of being rejected eventually created a feeling within me that there was a disconnect. And this 'feeling' eventually created the experience.
So as much as I wanted to experience true love my fear was keeping me from opening up to let it fully in. This became my experience in personal and professional relationships until I learned how to transcend and transmute the energies of rejection.
Desi's attachment to 'fear of not being valued'.
Desi had an ongoing internal battle with the emotional attachment - 'fear of not being valued'.
She craved for connected, supportive relationships but found herself constantly experiencing that she was giving more than she was receiving. Whenever Desi felt that she was starting to feel close to someone there rose a feeling of judgement.
She then found herself not giving to the relationships what she wanted from them, which left her feeling unfulfilled in her relationships and that they weren't creating for her the experience of joy and peace that she desired. She found herself in a continuous cycle of disconnected relationships.
The 'wanting' and then the 'rejecting' of the very thing that she desired had become for her a crippling relationship pattern. It created obstacles to her having the connected, fulfilling relationships that she desired. Episodes of anger and frustration were affecting her peace.
When Desi began working with me I connected to her soul to see the root cause of why she was always afraid of connection. I began to identify events in her childhood that clearly explained what was really happening. I was shown a vision of a little girl who always felt that her siblings were loved more than she was. She felt that while everyone dotted on her siblings they always judged and criticized her. Her 'truth' that she was loved less, created a loveless energy within her after all she couldn't give more than she was receiving in her mind. And as bad as she wanted it, she began to believe that she wasn't valued enough to receive it.
Her parents had separated when she was a child and she felt judged by her mother and abandoned by her father. She felt that she had to overachieve to be accepted but her deep rooted feeling of rejection made it difficult for her to feel that anything she did was good enough. She grew up feeling that, even though she thought she was amazing (not really though), nobody else appreciated the goodness within her. She felt unloveable and a strong mistrust of love developed in her early years due to the judgement that she felt. Consequently Desi never felt like she was 'enough' and always questioned her value and worth.
Her mother's sense of devalue, unhappiness and judgement, due to the pain and disappointment she had in her own relationship, resulted in these energies being hurled at Desi. We worked to9gether on healing the way Desi felt about herself so she could clear the emotional attachments she had to how she felt other's made her feel.
Emotional attachment takes root in many places
Limiting beliefs and relationship patterns can block our path to experiencing true unconditional love of self and others. The roots to these are always found in our childhood and family experiences and environment. These energies can be passed to us in our womb experience as well as through our past lives and ancestral DNA.
They damage the relationship we have with our Divine Self. We operate in fear when it comes to trusting the most important relationship that we have... the one with our Self.
But we have a choice.
We can choose to release the self-sabotaging attachments and be free of them forever.
I have helped thousands of people, mostly women, to break free from fear, limiting belief systems, rejection and the effects of traumatic events, to be able to reclaim their power and live happy, fulfilling and successful lives.
Commitment to the care of self and achieving peace in your life is your highest priority. You cannot give to another what you are not able to gift to yourself.
Keep reading to identify if you are being affected by negative emotional attachments.
1. Say "yes" to others at the expense of saying "no" to yourself?
2. Focus on the happiness of others more than on your own happiness?
3. Put everything and everybody before yourself in your attempt to please others??
4. Go on the defense to feel in control or get your own way?
5. Attract people in relationships that let you down? That take and don't give? Take advantage of your kindness and generosity?
6. Resist emotional intimacy with someone you love?
7. Become stubborn, defensive or argumentative in order not to take action or make decisions.
8. Get easily put off on sharing your dreams because of the opinion of others?
9.Feel like you need to tip-toe around when communicating what you need, desire or want?
10. Feel anxious of how other's will react to you when you say how you feel?
11. Use blame or judgement to feel strong or okay with who you are?
12. Hear negative or doubtful thoughts jumping in and out of your mind when you imagine your ideal life and relationship?
13. Look to others for happiness and validation?
14. Go along with the crowd just to 'get along'?
15. Become easily distracted when working on something that is designed to help you achieve your goals?
16. Struggle with overindulgence in food, alcohol or other addictions?
What emotional, mental or physical attachments are blocking your path to authentic joy and success?
Need help releasing? Ready to be liberated emotionally, mentally and spiritually? Desire to be at peace with your past? Want to clear limiting beliefs, fears and inherited patterns from childhood and familial and ancestral lines for good?
If you would like help book a complimentary soul checkup session here.
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I am Denika Carothers, Creator of RECLAIM Your PowHER and FOCUS to Victory. I am an Intuitive, Spiritual, Soul Alignment Life Coach. I coach my clients in the place of their soul.