"There are many words that can be used to describe Denika: wise, candid, brilliant, principled, etc.. This is evidenced by her overwhelming success in treating and coaching individuals as well as couples. Nevertheless, the one characteristic that I personally found to be most compelling is her fearlessness in delving into the causes of strife. She does so with the precision of a surgeon, and the compassion of an angel. My spouse and I were in a difficult place after 16 years of marriage, and Denika worked with both of us, individually as well as collectively, to help us discover the roots of the malaise that had infected our relationship. It was more than her almost preternatural ability to understand and empathize with us; there is a deeply spiritual element to Denika’s presence that resonates with one’s soul. Words cannot do justice to the positive and profound influence Denika has had on our lives and in our marriage. She was fearless in her selflessness to guide us to a better place. The words to describe our gratitude and our love for her have yet to be invented. Her assistance went well beyond what we expected in a therapist or a counselor; now she belongs to us as a part of our family." Jamal Khawaja 

Your beliefs about relationships set your relationship tone
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Your beliefs, ideas, feelings, ideals, and concepts about life and relationships came in as a child. Learning how to do relationships in a healthy way is key because your relationships are a necessary part of your life journey.

What you think about relationships came in as a result of what you experienced in, and through, your relationships as a child.

If your experience with your parents and their relationship was not one of connection, love, support and protection you may find it difficult to cultivate harmonious relationships with your own children or partner.

If there was always some type of rivalry between you and those closest to you growing up, you may find that you show up very defensive, or offensive, in your relationships. 

If you experienced rejection, disappointment, criticism or judgement as a child, you may find it difficult to feel accepted and you question your own self worth and value.

If you were abused emotionally, mentally, physically or sexually as a child the affects of this trauma show up in many ways and can condition the way you form attachments in your relationships as an adult. Your sense of identity becomes fractured and your ability to trust and feel protected is challenged.

Transforming your external relationships begins within
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Every relationship you have with others is an extension of you. If you have unhealed trauma from past relationships, the residue (i.e. affects of the trauma) will show up in your present and future relationships.

For example, if your childhood experience with your father was very controlling, you will either attract partners who are controlling or you will be adamant about being in control in the relationship. Because grown people resist being controlled this will create conflict.

If your childhood relationship with your mother was fractured you may find it difficult to tap into the nurturing aspect of yourself and come across as being hardened or closed off.

Many create relationships from their broken places (unhealed emotional trauma from childhood or past relationships). When this happens the cracks in the relationship will eventually come to the surface.

We are all affected to some degree by S.H.I.T. (Shame Hurt Insecurities and Triggers) that show up as unhealed emotional wounds and affect our relationships, resulting in RelationS.H.I.T.

Many people experience fear in their relationships...

Fear of being alone
Fear of being cheated on
Fear of being judged
Fear of being hurt
Fear of not being able to trust
Fear of being rejected or abandoned

When your beliefs are "relationships are hard" that is the relationship experience that you are giving permission to be yours. Relationships are not "hard" but they do require a positive exchange of energy, effort and investment.

When you enter into a relationship not understanding who you are as a person, or worse not being honest about your S.H.I.T. because you are desperate to be "loved" by someone, you set yourself up for a relationship that ends in disappointment.

In these cases it is important to not only seek for healing of the relationship but for healing of your own emotional wounds.
"Denika is a gifted and compassionate individual. Her authenticity is the truth and her desire and commitment to fulfill her purpose is so obvious. She doesn't do fluff. She tells the truth in love! I recommend anyone that wants to receive insight, guidance and the truth in love speak with Denika." Genyne Vinson

Not all broken things can be fixed, including relationships
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Though this is difficult in many cases to face, there are some relationships that are beyond repair.

There are factors that create the demise of a relationship and the truth is that both parties in the relationship have in some way contributed to the current state... and both have to be willing to own their part, and participate in the healing of it, for it to move forward to a healthy place.
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Relationships that feel like "hell" are typically built on a foundation of fear, drama, and control. Feeling that you need to control someone else is a result of being disconnected from self-love and self-awareness.

Jealousy is an extension of insecurity. Selfishness is an extension of entitlement. Unfaithfulness is an extension of un-fulfillment. 
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You are responsible for your own happiness

Generosity, freedom, and love will build the most beautiful relationships. Mastering love within begins with self-awareness... aware of who you authentically are. You can't genuinely give (or receive) what you have not learned to cultivate within yourself, for yourself. 

When you acknowledge that someone else's happiness is not your responsibility, and that your own happiness begins within you, you can begin your journey to master self-love and be a full expression of love in your relationships.
Know WHAT you want.

So who are you, what do you want, and what makes you valuable?

If you can't answer these 3 questions then chances are great that what you are experiencing in your life and relationships feels meaningless, unfulfilled, dissatisfied, and unhappy.

I want to help you...
  • Understand how your childhood relationship experiences have set your relationship blueprint
  • Understand why putting yourself and your happiness is a priority and necessary to be able to support the happiness of others
  • Create relationships in which you are genuinely loved, adored, and valued
  • Cultivate the skill of clear communication and compassionate listening
  • Tap into the greatest and happiest version of yourself
  • Stop fighting and giving all of your energy away to others
  • Learn how to be the receiver as well as the giver
  • Release the energy of trauma from past relationships that cause you to fight, repel and sabotage what you truly desire to have
  • See the value in dating, if you are single

When we work together, I will go in-depth to help you understand your process of conditioning and perception and how it affects your relationships both positively and negatively.

​If you don't learn how to break your unhealthy relationship patterns and heal them, you will find yourself experiencing the same types of relationships over and over. Even though the partner is different, the energy and experience will feel the same.

So, what if it's beyond repair? What do you do then?

When you know and respect your worth and value, walking away from what doesn't value you, and no longer serves you, becomes easy. Being able to release the effects of unhealthy relationships will open you up to experiencing healthy, satisfying, peaceful, and joy-filled ones.
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If you feel that you are spending too much time, energy, and attention trying to manage and repair a relationship that imploded a long time ago, it might be time for you to identify the disconnect and brokenness that lies within you. Your external relationships are simply a reflection and/or an aspect of your relationship with self.

Ready to go within and heal your broken places?
Relationship Coaching Will Help You
If you are ready to dive in deep to create a new relationship experience, book your Relationship Assessment Session here.
If you want to explore how you can begin to Clean Up Your RelationS.H.I.T., but are not ready to invest in coaching then sign up for my masterclass here.
 "Denika is a unique individual that is gifted with the ability to bring about transformational changes in the lives of her clients by her wisdom and insights. She encourages you to take the time to reflect on your experiences, provides counsel concerning matters that occur from both your inward states and your outward affairs thereby empowering you to envision a better tomorrow. Before you realize, she becomes a friend and a honest guide on your journey to more fulfilling life." Tuba Khawaja
"Denika offered clear simple solutions to the problems I was facing. The kind of answers that left me feeling the answers were so simple I should have thought of them. Amazingly helpful and so easy to speak to. Thank you for your amazing kindness and wonderful words." Jason Holden