Common Parenting Struggles
1. Frustration: Children will get frustrated, just as adults do. Yes, we may want our kids to be happy, but fixing all of their problems is not in their best interest. Neither is trying to talk them out of their upsets without getting to the root of the cause of the upset. Children need to learn to deal with challenges, just as adults do. We need to teach our children how to deal with their frustrations, rather than trying to erase them, or convince them not to be upset. Remember, we are preparing our children for what they will face out in the “real world”, and it is important that we equip them with the necessary tools to deal with frustrations, in a way that is in the best interest of all involved.
2. Cooperation: We tend to want our children to do everything we say, without giving consideration to how they feel about something. Our children have their own mind and their own feelings. Children want to have fun, and a lot of what we ask them to do, in their mind, puts an end to their “fun time”. Parents usually ask them to do things that are not fun or interesting to them, like chores or homework. We can foster real cooperation with our children, without it being attached to them being afraid of us. Children who feel connected to their parents more readily want to please them. A child’s preference will always be having fun as opposed to doing chores or homework, but you can generate cooperation without instituting punishments, rewards or bribes.
3. Losing Your Cool: Children tend to have endless demands, behaviors and a whole heap of questions, that can leave us exhausted, and with a feeling of being taken for granted at times. They whine and talk back, which can make us angry. However, it is possible to parent without yelling, fighting and drama – even if you are a self-proclaimed “hot head”. Taking the time to understand what the root cause of your child’s behavior is, can help you to be less reactive and more effective in addressing the issues. As a parent it’s important to remember to respond rather than react. Going through this process will make it easier to address the challenges without losing your cool.
4. Release Your Expectations: Having an expectation that your children do what you say, without questioning or opposing is unrealistic. Remember, they may be smaller than you, but they do have their own mind and their own thoughts. Even if you did everything your parents told you, because you feared what would happen to you if you didn’t obey, you more than likely asked a lot of questions behind their back and in some cases even rebelled. The children of this age are a lot more bold and expressive than we were back in the day. It’s okay to answer their questions. It’s also okay to say you don’t know if you don’t have an answer. Releasing unreasonable expectations of how your children should act and what your children should do, would lend to a more peaceful and connected relationship.
5. Create a Loving Environment: Spending happy and relaxed time with those we love is a wonderful experience. When raising children it can be a challenge to establish a drama-free zone, especially if there is more than one child in the house. Sibling rivalry and children pushing back against parents requests, are real issues that happen. Stress and tension could make everyone want to retreat to their own space in the home. You can establish a home where respect and harmony exist, but you might need to put in some effort, especially if you didn’t have the example of what growing up in a loving and safe environment looks and feels like. Creating an environment where your children feel validated and safe will always contribute to a loving environment. ‘Home’ should be a safe haven for all who live there – parent and child. This can be accomplished by making the extra effort to hold family meetings so communication stays open where everyone can air their issues and challenges, and also acknowledge one another for the good things that are happening. This serves to making deposits into the emotional bank account of each relationship. When love and kindness is the climate of the home, everyone thrives and your family can feel like a team – in it to win it!
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I am a lover of life and a lover of people. When we learn to connect in our heart space, love will be the driving force behind all we do. BE Love, BE Power!