Is your relationship on the rocks? Are you worried that your relationship may not last much longer? Have you been thinking about ending the relationship yourself or are you worried that your partner is going to end the relationship in the future?
If so, my heart goes out to you. We've all been in these kinds of situations at some point in our lives and it is never easy. In fact, relationships are often times our greatest source of happiness and can be our greatest source of despair and frustration.
It can be difficult for couples to face the fact that their relationship is not working, and so instead of seeking help, often the issues are avoided which causes a breakdown in communication which ultimately results in a disconnected relationship.
There are several key factors that can lead to the breakdown in a relationship:
1. Love Language Misunderstanding. Just as different people speak different verbal languages, so can our love language be expressed differently. You might express your love quite differently from your partner, and not understanding how this language is spoken can result in you missing some important indications of affection. Some of the different ways that love is spoken is through cuddling, offering to do chores, holding hands, supporting each other, buying gifts and offering praise.
If you are not sure which love language your partner communicates in, try making a list of the ways in which you show love and ask your partner to make a separate list. Next, compare your lists. Talking about any differences allows everyday acts to take on a pleasant new layer of meaning. In addition, you can discuss whether there are any methods of showing love that you would like to use more often.
2. Non-negotiating of Needs. Relationships can reach a place of complacency where partners begin to be unconcerned with the needs and desires of their significant other. To avoid missing out on what your partner needs, try this... Make a list of ten things you believe you need from a relationship, and then split that list into 3 colums: things you absolutely require, things you really want but don’t necessarily need, and things you could probably let go. What does this division tell you about potential areas of compromise? Ask your partner to make a list as well. How can you better meet newly uncovered needs?
3. Communication chaos. Is your communication compassionate or chaotic? Communication is 10% what is said and 90% what is heard. Misunderstandings take place when one partner is not willing to hear what their communication sounds like to the other. Further, when the communication is ignored all together it can cause your partner to shut down, hence their making a decision to just not communicate at all.
Spend time thinking about how you communicate strong feelings to each other. Begin by making separate lists that detail how you think you tell each other important facts without speaking. For example, what do you do to signify irritation or anger? How do you communicate that you want physical intimacy? How does your behavior change when you’re looking for a favor or when you've been disappointment? Going over these lists can help to discourage misunderstandings and encourage you to make your thoughts more clear.
4. The Blame Game. Remember that when problems arise in a relationship it is rarely a one way street. Both partners have in some way contributed to the disconnect and disruption. Not taking responsibility for your individual role (which is the only role you have control over) and choosing to blame your partner for everything that is wrong, will only ever serve to weaken the foundation of a relationship connection.
Owning up to your part in the process will serve to bring a mutual understanding and respect to the table. Instead of looking at the part of your partner, sit with yourself in honest introspection and ask what YOU could you have done differently to avoid the situation. Taking responsibility for your own actions makes you less inclined to focus on the actions of your significant other. Remember you can't change him or her... you can only change yourself.
Are you at a cross road in your relationship and feel that you could use some support in making things better?
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I am a lover of life and a lover of people. When we learn to connect in our heart space, love will be the driving force behind all we do. BE Love, BE Power!