The beautiful thing about life is that you get to choose how to live yours. Most people however are so focused on C.R.A.P. (Constantly Reacting to Another Person) that they can't allow joy to be the focus of their life experience. Which is sad because truthfully what we all desire is happiness.
Researchers think that roughly 40 percent of our happiness is under our own control; the rest is determined by genetics and external factors. That means there's a lot we can do to control our own happiness.
According to the federal Health Resources and Services Administration:
We have become so absorbed in a world of distractions and disconnect that we have neglected to put our energy and attention into what truly matters in life...
MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS - our own.
Relationships are essential to our happiness and well-being. Studies have found that the happiest and healthiest people are those who cultivate strong relationships with people they trust to support them.
Whether fortunately or unfortunately, social media has given us a window, and often a front row seat, into the lives of others. And these others are people who often we barely know and yet we spend so much focus and energy 'relating' to these people.
When you become more absorbed in someone else's world and relationships rather than putting time, energy and attention into how you are creating your own, you begin to find that you feel very dissatisfied with your life because someone else's life will always "appear" better than yours. This is especially true when you are comparing your life to the lives of others.
COMPARISON IS CRIPPLING.
So how do you create a life that you love rather than living in a life that feels Love-less?
Here are 5 key steps to loving your life:
1. Find what you love doing and do it at least once a week. Give yourself more "me" time and get to know who you are in this season of your life and what you like/love. This can be something as simple as sleeping in late, eating a particular food, being out in nature or getting your hair and nails done. Spending time moving daily and getting outdoors in good weather works wonders to raise your serotonin levels. Intentionally investing in self-happiness is a key step to enjoying your life and feeling content.
2. Focus on what's good in your life. In a world of chaos you will always be able to find something that isn't good. Your focus on what's not good will create space for more of what's not good to come into your experience. Whether it directly affects you or indirectly affects you, when your thoughts are constantly on what's going wrong you will always see what's not right. Gratitude is the key to being able to see what's beautiful in your life. The fact that you have what you need, that you have a good relationship with your children or friends, that when you woke up this morning you were alive, are all beautiful aspects of life that people often take for granted. Be grateful for the little things and you will make room for greater things to come to you for which you can be grateful.
3. LOVE YOURSELF and tell yourself how amazing you are! Listen looking for love in all the wrong places will keep you in a cycle of wrong feelings, wrong connections and wrong experiences. Self validation is the most powerful validation in the world. Let's face it, we live in a critical world where everything that is wrong is often highlighted and given our attention. The opinions of others often leaves you in a place of feeling that you are not quite 'enough'. Give what you desire from someone else to yourself. By doing so you will teach others how they can (and cannot) treat you.
4. Remember that you DO have a choice. What you experience in your life is as a result of the choices that you make. You get to participate in the decision of every aspect of your life. Remembering this will put you in the position of power in your life rather than allowing your power to be usurped, or manipulated, by someone else. When you take responsibility for the fact that you can create your experiences you also give yourself the power to re-create, or un-create, aspects of your life that are not in alignment with the joy and happiness that you wish to experience.
5. Find joy in the little things. Your joy, or lack thereof, is really within your own power to control. If it doesn't support your joy or happiness know that you can choose to disconnect from it. If it supports your joy and happiness know that you can choose to CONNECT TO IT. Something as simple as putting on a good funny movie, or reading an enjoyable book or article when you need an uplift in your mood can have a great impact on shifting your energy. Don't make someone else responsible for your joy and never miss an opportunity to laugh at yourself. ;)
Your relationships, and what you feel within them, will always be an extension of who you are and how you feel about yourself. If you want to experience the greatest relationships outside of you then begin today to cultivate the greatest relationship ever with yourself. After all, that's the one relationship that will never leave you.
We live in a world of too much...
Too much emails
Too much drama
Too much stuff
Too much junk
Too much racism
Too much hatred
Too much bills
Too much loneliness
Too much depression
Too much sadness
It's just all too much! And it's become overwhelming to too many people.
We've heard it for too long... simple is better. Well if this is true why does everything seem so complicated?
It's because we have bought into the narrative that more is better without understanding what more entails. And whilst I am a firm believer that we can be more, do more and have more if that's what we desire, often consideration is not given to what kind of more we are creating, and what the more will bring with it.
"To whom much is given much is required" is a scripture that many know yet do not understand the depth that comes with the responsibility of more. I believe, however, that there is an unspoken understanding and this is why many people settle for less when they really desire more.
More is great if it brings with it...
More meaningful connections
The world has become so disconnected from the value of life while chasing the value of stuff. I've heard many stories of people on their death beds yet have never heard of them regretting not having more "stuff".
More is great when it contributes value to our relationship with ourselves and our relationships with others. Often when one seeks for more it's because they feel that they are lacking something. Seeking for more with the mindset of lack creates more lack because you end up with "too much" rather than more of. When you think about it, 'too much' is rarely a good thing.
When you desire more from a place of love and gratitude, with a motivation to be more for yourself first and then for others, you make space to create abundance.
If you are feeling a sense of too much, and are feeling overwhelmed by it, you are facing a decision today and I challenge you to reflect on...
"What's important to ME? What truly matters in MY life right now?"
This question of reflection may lead you to downsizing some things like the 900 channels on your cable package. I mean who really has TIME to watch 900 channels? You may find that you are paying for things that you don't even use. You may be motivated to declutter your closet of the outfits that you haven't even looked at, much less worn, during the last 2 years. You may realize that the relationship you are in does not support your joy or peace. You might discover that your career/job is the reason why you suffer with headaches and exhaustion every day. You might find it necessary to evaluate your friendships and associations.
Listen... this is one of the most valuable lessons that I have learned in my life... you cannot be, do or give to someone else what you are not able to be, do or give to yourself. I will never be able to teach you something that I haven't yet learned. Okay, yes it can be argued that I can teach you from someone else's book but baby when I teach you from the book that I have penned with my own hand, because I have learned it first-hand through my own experience, you will KNOW that I know what I'm talking about because you will feel it.
It's called conviction! And it just may be time for you to live by your own convictions rather than the convictions and suggestions of others. If it don't fit you don't force it on you and don't allow others to force it upon you either. Give yourself permission to choose what works best for you in this season of your life.
I spent the first two hours of my morning unsubscribing from the email list of others. 80% of my email inbox is filled up with junk mail every day that I never opted in for. I've just been allowing it to pile up in there. Today I said "nope... time to disconnect from EVERYTHING that clutters my space... physically, mentally and emotionally." Time for me to stop wasting time on anything that brings no value to me.
You get to do that too. If it's become too much for you know that you can downsize, declutter, release, walk away from, modify or amend.
Your life is yours... remember you get to do with it what you choose. If it's become too much remember less can be more beneficial for you.
It's a word we all like to see. It gets our attention.
"Buy one get one free"... who doesn't like to see that when they go shopping? Especially if it's an item that you want.
Free excites us right?
If you were given the choice to purchase something or get it for free which one would you choose?Many would say they would choose "free" and yet who doesn't love being able to afford to buy something? Truth is though that those "free" offers usually come with a price being paid.
So I ask you the question today... what is the price of freedom?
But more importantly what is freedom WORTH to you?
For me, freedom equates to peace and peace to me is worth EVERYTHING!! There's no price too great for it.
When I'm free in my mind I'm at peace.
When I'm free in my spirit I'm at peace.
When I'm free in my finances I feel peace.
When I'm emotionally free I feel peaceful.
But in my life I have learned that freedom comes with a price. Freedom often requires sacrifice as well. Many will tell you that they want to be free, to have peace, but often aren't willing to do what is required to achieve that.
Peace and freedom is a state of mind that when practiced consistently can become a state of BEing. You know that saying... "As you think in your heart, so you are." Doesn't really make sense to the thinking mind because we don't actually "think" with our heart.
But, as you think (over and over) you come to believe.
Whatever you believe becomes a feeling of the heart.
Whatever the heart feels becomes your truth.
Whatever is true for you, you become.
As a woman thinks in her heart, so is she.
So, what is the condition of your heart today?
If you are in the B category you are ending this year positioned to make great things happen in 2020. If you fall mostly in category A, and you don't make an intentional shift, you are poised to experience more of what I KNOW you don't desire to feel in this upcoming new year.
But the good news is this..
t's not too late to shift gears and get your life moving in the right direction.
If you acknowledge that you need help in shifting then let's talk about how I can help you.
Send me an email to Denika@DenikaCarothers.com with "I need your help" and we'll make it happen.
Loving you into 2020...
This is the time of the Divine Feminine Awakening and if you are reading this message I believe there is some profound truth for you in this...
It is crucial that you allow your Divine Feminine to fully awaken. And please understand that you Awakening to your Divine Feminine is not about just you.
The wounded Feminine and the wounded Masculine are depending on your awakening to support them in achieving healing and wholeness at a soul level. The healing of the world is dependent on the Divine Feminine Awakening.
The wounded Masculine is terrified of the Divine Feminine. And they express this fear through forceful control that manifests as violence, rage, abuse and an attempt to overpower the Feminine voice, strength and PowHER. The wounded Masculine knows that he is weak and yet his greatest fear is that weakness being exposed. Because he was taught and conditioned NOT to be weak, NOT to feel, NOT to express, NOT to love unconditionally, he often feels like a fraud within himself and is terrified that this inauthenticity will come to light.
And so he tries to suppress your Divinity because deep down inside your strength, love and PowHER scares him. It makes him feel that he has to compete with you because he doesn't yet understand how to walk alongside you, in his Divine Masculine and just be powerful, without having to prove something.
As the Divine Feminine, you shine your light into darkness, into sickness, into disconnection, into brokenness... your light serves not to expose for embarrassment but rather to love, to guide, to nurture, to heal. But when your light hits the darkness of the wounded Masculine, he feels exposed, confronted and embarrassed.
But this should not deter you...
It should make you more determined to fully walk in your Divine Feminine PowHER because your Divine Feminine is the SOLUTION, not the problem. Your light serves to expose the problem so that healing can take place, within both the wounded Feminine and the wounded Masculine.
It is important that you not willingly or ignorantly dim your light... don't hide your power or your love. It is important that you fully Awaken to your Divine Feminine with truth and honor of who you were created to be in this world.
Your tears, your pleas and you becoming, or showing up, as something other than the Divine Feminine being that you are, cannot fill the void of the wounded masculine or feminine. But know when the wounded Masculine and the wounded Feminine run, they are not running from you... THEY ARE RUNNING FROM THEMSELVES. But the effect of your love and your PowHER stays ever present in their awareness even as they are trying to run away.
Remember that you cannot run away from the truth of who you are... it will always show up.
The call to the Divine Feminine is that you must awaken...
Walk in your Divine Feminine PowHER...
Be Protective of the Divinity within you.
Forgive yourself... Love yourself... Embrace your Divinity and allow NOTHING to stop you from Walking fully in its PowHER.
Allow NOTHING and no one to interfere with you Awakening to your Divine Feminine.
You are the Solution that the World has been Waiting For!
IT'S TIME TO AWAKEN TO YOUR DIVINE FEMININE!!!
#PowHERup #RELAIMyourPowHER #DivineFeminine #DivineFeminineAwakening
The same way it's impossible for you to extract blood out of a stone, you will never be able to receive emotional strength, security or presence from someone who is emotionally immature.
As I speak to women every day, being the empath that I am, my heart feels so heavy as they tell me what they are being challenged with in relationships.
The saddest part of all is that they are looking for something in someone that does not exist. You will never be able to feel emotional stability or security with someone who is emotionally immature.
What is also important to understand in this conversation is that you will draw to yourself someone who supports your emotional vibration. Too many are seeking for something in another person that they have not yet learned how to connect to for them self. This will never work.
We all have emotional challenges in life. Our understanding of how to process our emotions and get others to respond to them was developed within us between the stages of newborn to 6 years old. We learned how to get attention, how to get our own way, how to repel others and how to receive when we were children.
Unfortunately many women and men are brainwashed and conditioned by brokenness. We are often not taught healthy ways to deal with our emotions and have a tendency to react to situations more than we respond within them.
Your dealings with another person will be a direct reflection of how you process your emotions and your thoughts about how you feel.
This is why it is key to learn how to love and respect yourself or being able to give authentic love, respect and maturity to someone else will never be.
In relationships the biggest breakdown occurs when you are looking for someone else to fill your emotional needs. We are taught as children to be dependent on others for our emotional well being and strength. This is a dangerous way to live your life because if you don't know how to feed yourself and you give that power over to someone else... you are always looking for your needs to be met by someone else... you also give that person the power to starve you and decide what you don't need, or worse that you don't deserve to be fed.
Others can only value you to the degree that they value themselves. You will never be able to create a healthy relationship if you...
We all have the ability to be both ignorant and wise, childish and conscientious. Maturity and immaturity are both seen in the way a person behaves. Emotional immaturity usually results in a person who was not given the liberty or freedom to express their feelings as a child but rather had the experience of control and/or manipulation in their familial relationships.
Here are 10 traits of an emotionally immature person:
1. They operate from a place of ego and control more than love and understanding.
Operating from a place of maturity requires you understanding that the world does not revolve around you. In life you will not always get what you want from others. Other people have their own needs and desires and are not here to facilitate yours. Maturity involves releasing the illusion that relationships 'cater' to others and freeing yourself from the bonds of the ego nature.
2. They don't like talking about the way they feel.
Everyone has feelings. Emotionally immature people however are not comfortable when it comes to talking about their feelings. They find processing emotions overwhelming or attach a degree of shame to expressing them which causes them to withdraw and go into shut down mode.
3. They don't connect on a deep level but remain on the surface.
If you've been in a relationship with someone for a long time and you feel like they hold back you might be with someone who is unable or unwilling to connect on a deeper level. They may be very entertaining or like to have fun but when it comes to a deeper level of intimacy (allowing you to see into them) they don't want to go there. An intimate relationship requires opening yourself up to sharing and connection and will bring about a strong sense of closeness and affection.
4. They blame others for their faults.
We were not created to be controlled by others. We have all been given the gift of free will and free choice. However as children most of us experience being subjected to the will, control and manipulation of grown ups. When we are young children we believe that mistakes result in judgement and blame. We expect to be punished when we are at fault and usually look for someone else that we can pass the blame off on. When it's time to take responsibility for their own actions an emotionally immature person will often negate their responsibility by passing the blame, or part of the blame, off to someone else. Maturity requires that we take responsibility for our own actions, recognize our mistakes and learn from them. And when we learn to accept the responsibility and ask for forgiveness, we will learn how to repair the damage caused by the actions we took.
5. They create co-dependent relationships.
When you are not mature to stand on your own you will always depend on others. You tend to see others as a means to an end and will always feel that you need someone. So your desire to be in a relationship is not facilitated by love but rather by need. "I need you" is a classic line that is spoken by an emotionally immature person and is often an unconscious effort to manipulate the other person into doing what you want them to do. The concept of autonomy is not clear to emotionally immature people but autonomy is required for a relationship to be based on freedom.
6. They struggle with commitment.
One sure sign of emotional immaturity is difficulty with commitment. When we are mature we understand that discipline and sacrificed are necessary to achieve our goals. We also learn that commitment does not extract from us our freedom. It is simply a process that will assist us in achieving our long-term goal. In relationships you do not have a foundation for building without a commitment to build.
7. They want everything 'their way'.
Compromise is not something that emotionally immature people do well with. For me personally an inability to compromise is a huge turn off. If your partner would rather throw a tantrum then find a common ground to a problem, you are in a relationship with an emotionally immature person. Being able to communicate in an effort to find resolution is crucial for the success of a relationship when an issue arises.
8. They are irresponsible with their money.
Doing any and everything that they want to do with their money is a typical trait of an emotionally immature person. They tend to be impulsive and this is reflected in the way they manage and handle their money. Immediate satisfaction and gratification is a strong desire for an emotionally immature person and results in buying things they don't need with money they don't have. Their struggle with commitment makes it difficult for them to invest in long-term endeavors. Because of this, this type of person often finds themselves in debt because they are more focused on satisfying their whims. This satisfaction however is very short term.
9. They live life on defense.
We will all experience hurt feelings in relationships but emotional maturity will prevent you from getting overly defensive in the face of small criticisms. In a healthy relationship, both partners should feel comfortable discussing potential issues with the intention to work on them. You should not have to feel as if you are walking on eggshells for fear of upsetting your partner. An emotionally immature person will become extremely defensive over the smallest issues, especially if they are in the wrong. Another sign of emotional immaturity is name-calling which often leads to verbal abuse and emotional abuse.
10. They don't give 100% to the relationship but require you to.
If you find yourself constantly showing up for the betterment of your relationship and your partner is not, that means that you are in a one-sided relationship and your own needs aren't being met. An emotionally immature partner expects you to do everything for them but tends not to be dependable or as generous with their efforts. They may often pick a fight when you ask them to do something that they don't want to do.
If you realize that your partner has some emotional growing up to do, your focused conversation should be on how you would like to grow as a couple to be a stronger team. Singling out your partners emotional limitations will likely make them defensive or feel criticized from your feedback. Expressing positive feelings for your partner will allow them to feel more embraced than rejected. You can also suggest relationship coaching or therapy where a professional can guide you in developing more emotional connection and awareness for each other.
If you're with a partner who exhibits any of the above traits, you will understandably feel frustrated and exhausted and may even wish to throw in the towel. Fortunately, if both of you are willing to grow emotionally you can come out on the other side stronger and more connected.
You didn't see it coming and now you feel like the wind has been sucked out of your sail. You don't know what to do or how you should move forward. You tell yourself that you didn't see this coming and you pray that it's just a bad dream and that tomorrow, or the next day, or the next day, everything will go back to how it was and he'll come back and it will be as it once was. But the truth is that emotionally this is going to hurt for awhile. And more than likely you've been seeing signs and hurting in the relationship for quite some time.
Less than a year ago my husband of eleven years, the one who I made a verbal commitment with that "failure was not an option", chose to leave our home without a spoken word. Two months later he surfaced and after he became physically abusive I was forced to call the police to our home at 2:30 a.m. I was devastated that the man who I had hoped to grow old with would treat me this way. I lost my husband, and the person that I had opened my heart to in a way that I had never done with anyone in the past. I was so disappointed because after our last reconciliation I thought that we had finally figured our shit out and would move through life together. I was on an emotional roller coaster for months, but if you are facing a similar situation on the other side of rejection and abandonment, I promise you that it's not the end of the road... there IS the other side.
I hope that some of the things I have learned in dealing with my own heartache will help you PowHER up, let go of the disappointment, heal your heart, give you hope and help you to see the light that awaits you on the other side of this dark, hurt- filled tunnel. You can move through this, you can feel joy again and you can heal emotionally. You can walk in your PowHER!
1. Don't blame yourself.
Relationships were not designed to be perfect. They are instruments that facilitate lessons that are pivotal to you aligning with who you are. If you played a part in the demise of the relationship, own it so that you can disown it and face the lessons head on. If you did your part to save it don't dwell on what you could have, or should have, done differently. Be proud of your efforts. You honored your end of the bargain and you didn't give up even though you were free to do so. Remember this... if the other person isn't willing to do their part in compromising or working it out then the relationship really can't work. It takes the full participation of two for a relationship to be completely functional.
One of the greatest lessons I have learned in my life is that love is not a feeling, it's a choice. The real test of love is making the effort even when you don't 'feel like' loving the person. Love truly shows up when you set the intention to treasure, adore and honor your partner and your partner sets the same intention towards you. He could have made the same choice you did but you can't control someone else's investment or action... only your own. I know the temptation to wallow in self-pity is real for you right now, but don't live with regrets. Yes, it's sad especially when you think of all of the plans that you made together, but seek to learn the lesson in all of it for you and be open to finding that something better that the Universe has in store for you... and maybe always did. See this as a stepping stone to get you to where you desire and deserve to be.
2. Separate yourself from the hurt.
It might serve you best to cut all contact after the breakup. He is the source of the hurt and pain for you and it's in your best interest to stay as far away from that as possible. Resist the temptation to call, text or social media stalk. It's in your best interest to not know what he's doing because seeing it may spiral you into a deeper hurt that keeps the emotional wound exposed. I was so disappointed that my ex could just walk away and shut me out completely, like there was never any love there. But I realized that he had a right to choose his path and that I needed to protect my emotions by not making any contact with him because it would take longer for the wounds to heal. He became a stranger and on the other side of that I chose to get to know myself even better. On the other side of the betrayal of trust, he will never be able to comfort you the same way he did when you were still together and neither will the answers to your unending questions be satisfied. Let's be real... nobody can really give you a justified explanation for abandonment. If he wasn't willing to give it to you before he left chances are slim that he will be willing to give it to you now. Contacting him will further add to your hurt and disappointment because more than likely what you are looking for, he is not willing to give you.
Some people think you can stay friends after a breakup but if he didn't honor you as a friend before the breakup right now may not be a good time to seek for friendship. Being friends is not impossible but probably not in your best interest initially. Rejection and abandonment damages a relationship. The trust was broken the moment he chose to reject and abandon you and you need to heal before you consider giving friendship consideration.
3. Focus on the most important person - YOU.
In the relationship you were always selfless and conquering life as a team, but now it's time to be self-centered, a little selfish and independent. What matters now is you and giving to yourself what you deserve to have. A few months ago I wished that my husband would get the karma that he deserved but I realized that I was keeping myself in a holding pattern of negativity. I chose to stop thinking about what he deserves and focus on what I deserve. I knew that I would not move forward if I chose to look back. Stop thinking about getting back at him and focus on becoming the greatest version of yourself. I committed 100% this year to become the greatest version of me. That decision resulted in my releasing 50 pounds of body weight. I actually released a total of 325 lbs of body weight ;). I am in the best physical shaped I have ever been in. Get a new hair color (I did a temporary purple gel wax and loved it), find a hobby, set personal goals, take on a new venture - anything, as long as it's for your own well-being and happiness.
4. Don't give up on love just because he chose to walk away.
It can be a challenge on the other side of a broken heart to not become cynical to love and put up emotional walls to love entering in again. To tell you the truth, I'm not sure that I ever want to be married again but am definitely open to finding a new love that is everything I desire to experience. I have decided not to let this failed relationship define me or rob me of what I desire. Nothing worth something ever comes easy. I don't regret my past relationship because it taught me so much about myself and at one point I was very happy in it. I choose to allow it to forever hold a special place in my heart and not be in a place of regret with it. Every time you choose to be in love you take a risk. I took a risk by putting all of my heart into this relationship and unfortunately it ended up with my heart being broken. But if I had not taken that risk I would not have had the experience of loving completely and purely for the first time. We don't know all the cards that the deck of life holds for us. Life presents us with challenges and they often show up in our relationships. It's a real challenge, but I choose to believe that all these risks are going to be worth it when I find the right guy (or he finds me). I hope that you too can believe that and choose to fall in love whenever you can. After all I truly believe that it's better to love than to never have loved at all.
5. Love yourself and know that you deserve the best.
Don't settle. Let me say it even louder... DON'T SETTLE!
Settling for mediocrity is not what you deserve. Mediocre will show up when you are not patient enough to wait for the best. Don't worry, that guy who broke your heart isn't what's best for you. If he was he would still be around. The right guy will honor you, your relationship and will not hurt you by walking away. If you're going through the same hurt I've been through, know that you deserve to receive the same love that you give. Now here's the catch with that... if you don't know HOW to love yourself you will never be able to give or receive the love that you desire to have. So your first priority right now is to fall in love with yourself. Give yourself the opportunity to know what you like, what matters to you, what makes you smile, what brings you joy, what are your own personal boundaries, what you deserve.
The problem is that most women don't know what they want because they are so concerned about what everyone else wants from them. Use this time to connect to the most important person in your world... you. After all if you don't know what you desire you can't expect someone else to provide that for you. You deserve to be treated with love and respect. You deserve faithfulness and compassion. You deserve pure love. So give it to yourself first so you can receive it from others.
Let me start by saying that it is okay to acknowledge what you don't want. However, you want to allow what you don't want to guide you to what you do want.
When you feel like you don't have enough money and you don't want to be stressed financially, it causes you to recognize that you want more money and you desire the freedom and experience that money can give you.
When you ask for financial freedom and more prosperity your inner being immediately becomes the equivalent of prosperity. But when you don't immediately become the equivalent of prosperity, as in being optimistic or anticipating it, then there is a vibrational difference between you (your thoughts) and your inner being (your desire) and that's when you feel doubt, fear and worry.
When you feel good you are in alignment with your inner being. When you are in alignment you are in receptive mode. When you accept in your thoughts the financial freedom, the prosperity that your inner being already is then you can be the receptive vibration to the manifestation of the prosperity you desire.
Everything begins in the form of vibration. You can only attract what you are asking for if you believe it will be.
When you see the absence of money rather than presence of money you are creating lack and "not enough". Worry and fear causes you not to see the money coming in.
When you continuously think about what you don't have, why you don't have it, the impossibility of getting it you create a void between you and it. When you say I'm afraid I don't have enough that's practicing the opposite of the thought that I desire financial freedom. You will invite into your experience whatever you worry about.
You have to find the way to align with how your inner being feels about this and when you accomplish this there will be no contradiction in your vibration. You and your powerful inner being are aligned with more money coming to you. By your positive anticipation you are letting it in. With your worry and doubt you keep it out.
Until you find another way of looking at your situation, your vibration will not shift. If your vibration does not shift your situation can't change.
Remember this... your thoughts turn into things so turn your thoughts into the things you want.
The aspect of yourself that you don't see attracts what you experience. When you feel different you will attract different and when you attract different you will experience different manifestations.
You have to understand creation in terms of broadcasting and receiving. Your inner being is broadcasting receiving but in your thoughts you are broadcasting doubt. You can't set your radio tuner to 103.5 FM and hear what's being broadcast on 810AM.
You cannot receive from a different frequency than what you are transmitting.
The Universe will respond to the vibration that you emit. You have to show yourself something different. So how are you going to manifest what you desire?
You have to get in the receptive mode. You can't be focused on the absence and tune into your inner being. Your inner being is standing in prosperity.
Unfortunately many allow what they see to determine where they set their vibrational tuner. You likely have worried about money or the lack of it for a long time. So you've activated a bunch of vibrations concerning it. If you want the prosperity that is due to you you have to find a way to line up with it.
You have to be willing to give up what you view as your own limitations. Every time you say it's hard, I can't, I haven't, nobody I know is doing it, you are practicing setting your receptive mode to the absence of financial freedom.
You really don't believe in your ability to have what you desire. You believe more in the bank account number or the debt. Your current reality is temporary and can change over and over again. With just a little bit of attention to stay focused on what you desire, things will change.
If you believe and broadcast prosperity with no doubt or unbelief you will receive it. You have to learn how to position yourself to receive what you desire to have.
If your receptive mode is not set to financial freedom it is set to broke or lack. You know where your tuner is set by how you feel and by what's happening. If financial freedom isn't flowing to you you have your tuner tuned to lack.
Don't live according to someone else's reality or the "reality" that you see. You have to conquer it vibrationally, not financially. Don't let things external to you affect your vibration.
An intentional positive attitude is the pathway to the financial freedom you seek. Do what you need to do to keep yourself feeling better. Get the momentum of good feelings going. Your bad feeling lets you know that you are out of vibrational alignment.
People around you create financial freedom and prosperity every day. What's the difference between having it and not having it?
The way you think, believe and feel about it.
It happens by practicing the thoughts that allow it to be rather than practicing the thoughts that repel it from showing up.
The more amazing you feel your life is the more you want to experience amazing things. Your inner being becomes the essence of the freedom and the experience. Your inner being desires only what is good and emits pure desires from which you can attract all good things.
This is how the money comes to you by way of the Law of Attraction.
Are you thinking thoughts that are out of alignment with the desires of your inner being?
You hear a lot of talk about manifestation and the law of attraction but how do you really use the law of attraction to manifest what you desire to have?
I have a very simple answer to this question... you must be INTENTIONAL with your thoughts.
You create your own reality and it's important for you to understand exactly how you are doing that.
You are creating based on your focus on the thing that you think about. You don't have to debate with the world the rightness or wrongness about something. Your responsibility to yourself is to focus only on what you desire to experience.
A couple of years ago, when police were stopping and shooting black people it seemed every week, my daughter was taking a road trip to visit family members in Florida. She was driving there from Texas. Her thoughts were so consumed with worry about being stopped by the police. I encouraged her to drive the speed limit by setting her cruise control 2 mph below the speed limit and not to worry about it.
Well she didn't listen to her mother about not worrying and continued to allow her thoughts to focus on being stopped in the days leading up to her trip.
She called me as she was setting out on her drive and I encouraged her by telling her "you are safe!"
About two hours into her drive she calls me on the phone to let me know that a police car was flashing their lights behind her for her to stop. I could hear the nervousness in her voice and I proceeded to remind her that she was safe.
I immediately went into prayer and called on her angels and mine to assist in this process. I again declared out loud that she was safe and that this situation would work out for the good. No other options were on the table for me!
She called me back about 15 minutes later to let me know that a black police officer had pulled up on the scene and after having a conversation with her he told her that she could leave, and to be safe.
My words to her were... "now that you have created the reality of being stopped by the police, do you think you can drive to Florida in peace without worrying?"
She laughed out loud and replied, "Yes ma'am!"
The rest of her trip was eventful in great ways. Her drive back was uneventful.
What is your focus when it comes to the way you think about events in your life?
There are only two focuses of thought... thoughts that feel good and thoughts that don't feel good. This might sound very simple but it's simply beautiful to understand this.
Most people focus on things that cause worry. You can change this point of focus by deciding to be intentional, creative and contemplative in your thinking. You want to contemplate from the place of what you desire for rather than what you don't want to happen.
Being clear-minded in your thinking will allow you to access the greatest potential that your inner being is transmitting the desire for.
You have to step out in front of your thoughts before they create a reality that you don't wish to experience. Become aware of how your thoughts make you feel.
Every subject is really two subjects... What is wanted and the absence of what is wanted. As you focus on the problem, which causes you to worry, you are unable to see the solution that always accompanies a problem.
As long as you choose to entertain thoughts of worry you prevent yourself from tapping into the solution. However, when you realize that the thought of worry is designed to help you create the solution, you can then move from worry, or problem mode, to creating the solution to the problem.
You don't want what you are worrying about. You want something different to what you are worrying about. Your focus needs to be on the opposite of what you are worrying about. Which is in alignment with the desire of your inner being.
Choosing to let go of the worry will create space for the solution to occur to you. Choose to turn your attention to what you want so that you can create satisfaction for yourself.
Choosing to focus on being in sync with who you really are will automatically move the worry to a different place. Replace the worry and you will align with your inner desires.
Important to note is that when you constantly speak that which is the opposite of what you want, you activate what you don't like. You create resistance to what you desire when you focus on what you don't have and why you can't have it.
When you focus on what's wrong, what you don't like, what you fear will be you are in complete resistance to what you truly desire to have.
Rather than focusing on what you don't want to experience intentionally hold the thought of what will satisfy you.
You have to emit in thought frequency what you want to attract to yourself. Let your thoughts be resonant to what you desire rather than in opposition to it.
In business if you are worried about not making enough money you will attract to yourself people who can't afford your product.
In your personal relationships if you are worried about being mistreated you will attract to yourself people who don't treat you the way you desire to be treated.
Your thoughts create a vibration. Your vibration creates a frequency. Your frequency creates a point of attraction. If your point of attraction is what you don't want you will attract to yourself what you don't want.
When you get excited about making money you will create an attraction to money and a whole different segment of clients will be drawn to you. Your referrals will be off the charts and your sales will be over the top.
When you understand that you are worthy of love and respect, and you firstly give this to yourself, you will attract relationships that are in vibrational alignment to what you KNOW you deserve.
Your inner being knows what you should have and when you allow your thoughts to align with this knowing you will allow satisfaction to flow to you... no resistance.
Shifting your thoughts allows for your experience to change. This will cause you to feel different. When you feel different you attract different. When you attract different then your manifested experience will be different.
The more beautiful life feels to you the more you want to experience the beauty of life. When you don't have enough of something you naturally want more.
Allow your thoughts of not having enough of what you want turn your attention to what you wish to have and let your focus remain on having it, rather than the lack of it. This is how you will create the having of it.
Worry creates resistance to having it. Believing you have it creates the existence of it.
Your inner being does not focus on the trauma, the drama, the trouble or the lack. Your mind does. The big YOU is your inner broadcast, or your inner desire. The small you is your thought broadcast. Your inner desire and your thought as it pertains to that desire, must be in alignment for what you desire to manifest.
When you desire prosperity your inner being responds immediately to become the equivalent of prosperity However if in your thoughts you doubt the possibility of that prosperity you create a vibrational difference between you and your inner being, allowing worry to become your focus.
So you have to sync up with the way your inner being thinks about prosperity and when you do there will be no contradiction in your vibration to the creation of prosperity. This will allow for more money to come to you.
Your vibration will either let it in or keep it out.
When you feel good you are in alignment with your inner being. You are in receptive mode to what your inner being desires to create. Accepting the prosperity that your inner being already is allows for the manifestation of the prosperity to take place.
You don't attract what you ask for. You attract what you believe is possible for you to have.
When you see the absence rather than the presence you will see absence in your manifested reality.
When you ask for what you desire believe that you have it, that you have access to it, that you deserve what you desire and it will be yours. Practice the thoughts that allow for it to be rather than practicing thoughts that oppose it.
You will create what you think it is. Remember what you broadcast in your thoughts you will receive. You have to line up with the frequency of the broadcast of your inner being, or your inner desire. As you think, in alignment with your inner desire (heart) so you will be.
Be intentional to think only about what you want. Dump all thoughts of what you do not want and watch how you will begin to manifest amazing experiences.
2019 has been a year of shedding and releasing. This year has given me many opportunities to go deeper within and explore my inner truth. And what I have learned is this...
1. I alone am responsible to let go of any and everything that does not serve my Highest good.
2. You have to walk out of one door in order to walk through another one.
3. I am as strong as I think I am.
4. My truths don't have to be understood or accepted by anyone else for me to be okay with living them.
5. I am worthy just because I am.
6. I don't have to prove myself to be accepted. I simply need to accept myself.
7. When I believe it's on its way to me, it always arrives so trust the process.
8. That trusting what I KNOW is more PowHERful than trusting what I see.
9. Life is a gift that can be unwrapped and enjoyed every day if I choose.
10. The only thing that TRULY matters is right now and what I do with that right now makes a difference.
11. Challenges are the pathway to growth.
12. Worry is an obstacle to belief and yet is the belief that will create obstacles.
13. BE me... PowHERfully, Lovingly and Unapologetically.
14. Don't be afraid to feel... your feelings are messages that need to be paid attention to.
15. Live from my heart rather than from my head. My heart is the doorway to my soul.
16. When I connect authentically to my soul, I authentically connect to others.
17. Trust myself and the truth within me.
18. If I desire it I can CREATE it.
What did 2019 come to teach you?
Need some clarity on how you can create PowHER and purpose in your life. Schedule a complimentary soul checkup call with me here.
In one way or another we all become attached to our fears... fears that became ingrained and rooted into our subconscious mind as children. Young minds and souls soak up every word that is spoken and every emotion that is expressed or felt...
The constant criticism, the arguments that we overhear, the judgements that we feel affect us at a cellular level and become a part of our cellular memory. It creates a disconnect in function (dysfunction) in our relationship with self and in our relationships with others.
This creates fear, mistrust, doubt and worry in our relationships, both external and internal.
This is why often throughout our lives we experience eruptions of fearful feelings that create obstacles on our path to success.
The fear of rejection often cripples us from moving towards what we want or showing up for what we desire.
Or we become unhealthily tied to destructive, dysfunctional relationships and situations that cripple us rather than catapult us. We find ourselves depending on external sources to make us feel safe and secure, and when they don't we get caught up in a never ending cycle of disappointment and frustration.
When your self-worth is tied up in something outside of you you are never safe. Emotional attachment to something that is unhealthy severely limits your ability to RECLAIM your PowHER. You can't reclaim something as long as you're allowing someone, or something else the rights to hold on to it.
Have you attached your hopes and dreams of happiness on someone or something external?
Attachment, a fastening or fixation, will keep you stuck. Stuck to your fears and limiting beliefs, which keep you in holding patterns of discontentment and 'not enoughness'.
These behaviors drive your every thought and action. They become the habit that you perform every day. They shape your world and create your reality.
So why do we choose to remain stuck and hesitate to make a change?
What you are not changing you ARE choosing.
Basically it's the fear that is deep rooted within us connected to the rejection and abandonment that we experienced as a child. The fear that is so deeply rooted in our subconscious program that we unconsciously use to help us feel emotionally 'safe' and avoid further pain and disappointment from being rejected, abandoned or judged.
But the longer we avoid our fears the more we become attached and the longer we stay stuck.
Subconscious fears and beliefs affect our operating system... they affect the way we operate in our life. Though we feel that we are 'avoiding' what we fear, the fear actually becomes the fuel that creates the flame... the continuous cycle.
You can't run away from your fears... they are a part of you and go wherever you do.
My emotional attachment crippled me for years.
Throughout my teenage years and well into my adulthood I was plagued by a deep sense of rejection. Even though I was sociable and didn't have a problem connecting with others, deep inside I always felt that I wasn't good enough and that I wasn't fully accepted. I felt that there was everyone else... and then there was me. Even though I was in the circle I never felt that I was a part of the crowd.
I often felt alone and empty on the inside. I felt that no matter how much I wanted to be accepted I wasn't. It drove me into a habit of physical detachment... being able to quickly walk away from relationships yet still finding myself emotionally attached and feeling like the victim. This eventually led to suicide attempts and depression.
All I could see and feel was the emptiness and loneliness but didn't realize back then that I was creating this reality for myself. And so what I ended up doing was creating relationships that supported the empty, lonely feeling. I had a strong external shell but inside, being the sensitive being that I am, I felt the pain at deep, profound levels.
I became afraid of forever being in this pattern of unfulfilling, disconnected relationships. I tried so hard to run from my fear not realizing that my fear was creating the very thing that I was afraid of experiencing. As I tried to run from it, it ran WITH ME.
Attachment keeps us in turmoil emotionally.
Our struggle to get out of the battle just reinforces our attachment to the fight. This is what I recognized was happening with me. As I began to awaken to my Divine Feminine I allowed my soul to show me the way out.
As I awakened I realized that my fear of being rejected created a fear of being seen. So as much as I craved for a truly loving and connected relationship I found that I was creating, by way of my fear, disconnected relationships where who I was was serving the other person but I wasn't being served by them. Whenever I started to feel close and open myself up to others, my subconscious fear of being rejected eventually created a feeling within me that there was a disconnect. And this 'feeling' eventually created the experience.
So as much as I wanted to experience true love my fear was keeping me from opening up to let it fully in. This became my experience in personal and professional relationships until I learned how to transcend and transmute the energies of rejection.
Desi's attachment to 'fear of not being valued'.
Desi had an ongoing internal battle with the emotional attachment - 'fear of not being valued'.
She craved for connected, supportive relationships but found herself constantly experiencing that she was giving more than she was receiving. Whenever Desi felt that she was starting to feel close to someone there rose a feeling of judgement.
She then found herself not giving to the relationships what she wanted from them, which left her feeling unfulfilled in her relationships and that they weren't creating for her the experience of joy and peace that she desired. She found herself in a continuous cycle of disconnected relationships.
The 'wanting' and then the 'rejecting' of the very thing that she desired had become for her a crippling relationship pattern. It created obstacles to her having the connected, fulfilling relationships that she desired. Episodes of anger and frustration were affecting her peace.
When Desi began working with me I connected to her soul to see the root cause of why she was always afraid of connection. I began to identify events in her childhood that clearly explained what was really happening. I was shown a vision of a little girl who always felt that her siblings were loved more than she was. She felt that while everyone dotted on her siblings they always judged and criticized her. Her 'truth' that she was loved less, created a loveless energy within her after all she couldn't give more than she was receiving in her mind. And as bad as she wanted it, she began to believe that she wasn't valued enough to receive it.
Her parents had separated when she was a child and she felt judged by her mother and abandoned by her father. She felt that she had to overachieve to be accepted but her deep rooted feeling of rejection made it difficult for her to feel that anything she did was good enough. She grew up feeling that, even though she thought she was amazing (not really though), nobody else appreciated the goodness within her. She felt unloveable and a strong mistrust of love developed in her early years due to the judgement that she felt. Consequently Desi never felt like she was 'enough' and always questioned her value and worth.
Her mother's sense of devalue, unhappiness and judgement, due to the pain and disappointment she had in her own relationship, resulted in these energies being hurled at Desi. We worked to9gether on healing the way Desi felt about herself so she could clear the emotional attachments she had to how she felt other's made her feel.
Emotional attachment takes root in many places
Limiting beliefs and relationship patterns can block our path to experiencing true unconditional love of self and others. The roots to these are always found in our childhood and family experiences and environment. These energies can be passed to us in our womb experience as well as through our past lives and ancestral DNA.
They damage the relationship we have with our Divine Self. We operate in fear when it comes to trusting the most important relationship that we have... the one with our Self.
But we have a choice.
We can choose to release the self-sabotaging attachments and be free of them forever.
I have helped thousands of people, mostly women, to break free from fear, limiting belief systems, rejection and the effects of traumatic events, to be able to reclaim their power and live happy, fulfilling and successful lives.
Commitment to the care of self and achieving peace in your life is your highest priority. You cannot give to another what you are not able to gift to yourself.
Keep reading to identify if you are being affected by negative emotional attachments.
1. Say "yes" to others at the expense of saying "no" to yourself?
2. Focus on the happiness of others more than on your own happiness?
3. Put everything and everybody before yourself in your attempt to please others??
4. Go on the defense to feel in control or get your own way?
5. Attract people in relationships that let you down? That take and don't give? Take advantage of your kindness and generosity?
6. Resist emotional intimacy with someone you love?
7. Become stubborn, defensive or argumentative in order not to take action or make decisions.
8. Get easily put off on sharing your dreams because of the opinion of others?
9.Feel like you need to tip-toe around when communicating what you need, desire or want?
10. Feel anxious of how other's will react to you when you say how you feel?
11. Use blame or judgement to feel strong or okay with who you are?
12. Hear negative or doubtful thoughts jumping in and out of your mind when you imagine your ideal life and relationship?
13. Look to others for happiness and validation?
14. Go along with the crowd just to 'get along'?
15. Become easily distracted when working on something that is designed to help you achieve your goals?
16. Struggle with overindulgence in food, alcohol or other addictions?
What emotional, mental or physical attachments are blocking your path to authentic joy and success?
Need help releasing? Ready to be liberated emotionally, mentally and spiritually? Desire to be at peace with your past? Want to clear limiting beliefs, fears and inherited patterns from childhood and familial and ancestral lines for good?
If you would like help book a complimentary soul checkup session here.
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I am Denika Carothers, Creator of RECLAIM Your PowHER, Intuitive, Spiritual Life Coach, Womb Energy Specialist and PowHERful Manifesting Expert. The work that I do, at its core, is a catalyst for transformation. It is the spark that gets to the root of the mental and emotional challenges. Our mental and emotional approach to life's situations will determine whether we struggle through or power through.